The voice that tells you to Procrastinate

Hello my Halloween monsters,

This week was full of meetings and auditions. Which is great. In between, I really wanted to sleep and obviously the devil’s voice said that it’s not worth it. I never feel it. I don’t feel to go the an audition. However, after I’ve done it, I feel great, since I’ve done something productive. I walk, exercise in the morning, do everything to keep moving.

On Tuesday I had a ‘get together’ with my church friends, which was great. Again, beforehand I didn’t want to go, but I pushed myself. After all, we only live once, so it’s better to live life and get out there.

Yes, I procrastinate a lot, but this week I really pushed myself, so I did the task that I had to do. Still there are a lot of things I would like to do before we’re going to year 2015. But that’s okay, I’ve still got some time left ;)

At least I am aware of the voice telling me to put things off till another day, but I always make sure I’m doing something. Even if it is one task from the list. I have done something. Which motivates me to do more. Also focusing on my own pace, gives me more motivation to complete the tasks in order to achieve my goal.

I am e-mailing (for more than 8 months) agents for representation , not just an agent, but some who can represent me the best. And I still haven’t found one. Well, I’m not going to wait around for things to happen, I make it happen. Even though it’s baby steps, I still try to do it everyday. I have to do something, don’t know what or how, but something where an agent will take notice. Well actually, I do know how, submitting my short film about homelessness into film fests. I really hope that it will enter film festivals in 2015. I’ll make it happen, some how. Make magic happen everyday.

Well, enjoy your Halloween party! Do your work and celebrate life!

Big hug

Trust

Good morning everyone,

Today I woke up with the trust that it will happen and everything will fall into place. However, before I did my task, I first checked my e-mail. And read something about being persistent. So I immediately wanted to implement those tools that was given in the article, into my daily life. But I got a bit confused afterwards. Since there are so many ways that lead to Rome. I prayed for clarity and now I’m writing this blog. Which was my initial plan. See?! See, how fast I got side tracked, how fast I got distracted. It’s very simple, I write, which gives me motivation and then I apply for more film festivals. I cannot follow someone else’s road. I can get inspired and of course try their way. But it’s not about figuring out how the other person got at the top, it’s about how can I get there where I need to be. What could I do, to get what I want. That’s where the trust comes. I have to trust that my road will lead me to my destination. 

Beginning of September 2014, I started with the 4 month challenge of getting closer to myself before 2015. Well, I have 2 months left and I have to say, that it is working. I am focusing more on myself, finding my own ways to get where I want to be, I am calmer. It’s a challenge and an ambition to really be myself. Since the end of August, I go to church every Sunday. I appreciate life more and I have more trust that everything will turn out fine. I have gotten beautiful things in my life and I treasure that. I don’t know what I have done in my past life, but I feel that my soul deserves all the goodness in life.

It’s all about being a good human being and everything derives from that. Initially I did everything with ego. I might still do it, I am human after all. Having said that though, I have become more considerate towards my family. If my sister is sick, I help her out and don’t think about my career or my to do list. My family is number one. And that my friend, was never the case. My career was number one, however that didn’t bring me happiness. I had the money, but not inner peace. Trust me, I rather have inner peace. Now, I can say that I have inner peace. With that inner peace I can enjoy life more and also embrace the financial wealth that could come my way, but not in a way that I would show off.  Notice I said could, since I am in the process of acquiring that through my profession. Well, we’ll see ;)

This is heaven, life can be heaven, I don’t have to have someone to make me feel that I am in heaven. As long as I am close to God, and He is on my side, I feel complete, I am complete.

Have a wonderful Monday!

Life

Good morning everyone!

I woke up at 7 am, I prayed and did the dishes. Lately, I’m having a strong need of sharing some of the Las Vegas pictures on instagram. Before I did that I went to my e-mail inbox and argued with some managers, to get my money back. After this, I really felt a strong need to be creative. Without any results. I just wanted to be creative with pictures and editing. Creative, with anything really, it makes life more exciting. And that’s where I realize that life is amazing and mysterious if you make it that way. It is no fun if you reach your destination in one second. The enthusiasm comes from the fact, that you want to dig into the matter. Really dig and learn and figure things out. When you have reached the destination, it makes it even juicier and worthwhile.

Yesterday, I found out that my cousin unfortunately had cancer. Thankfully, it is being cured and he knew this information very fast. Good and bad things happen unexpectedly. Why in the world would I waste my time with complaining, if the end result is still going to be death. We cannot fight that, it will happen. I might as well make the most out of it and I’m taking baby steps towards it.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but life to me has only meaning, if I can give something back to the community and to my family. I love my family and I really like them to see happy.

Wish you a great day, may your day be will with lots of joy. Be enthusiastic!

Breakfast

Good Morning Dear friends,

Today I had a healthy and fulfilled breakfast, thanks to the blender nutribullet. I’m very happy with it. I’m eating fruit called cantaloupe right now. Very delicious I must say. When I was in Las Vegas, we had a breakfast buffet everyday and that was amazing. My day started very good and I was very much at ease and relaxed. I try to implement this at home as well. I make my own buffet ;) I cut all the fruits, so I can easily put it in the blender.

Today, it’s time to focus on what I want and what I would like to accomplish within 3 months. After 3 months, we will enter 2015. I would like to use that time efficiently and effectively. No matter what happens, I still have myself.

The question I ask to myself is: What (baby) steps could I undertake today, in order to achieve my long term goal. Which is becoming closer to myself, by taking my profession, acting to a different level. If I focus on the task, the rest will fall into place. I finally start to believe that it actually will happen. I don’t know when, but as long as I keep working, it will happen.

I know, that I will have to put a lot of effort, again without results, but at the end I know I will have something. Maybe not exactly what I want, but something that will fit me, that will be good for me. God will give, if I give. And I will do everything I can in order to receive that gift again.

Do your best, eat well, stay healthy, all is well.

Happy Monday!

Mom

Good morning my beautiful friends,

After 3 weeks of a wonderful holiday, filled with joyful moments, I will go back to work starting today. My parents were here for 3 weeks and now I miss them a lot. Especially my mom, I miss her the most. Her warmth, her strength, her perfume, her love. I miss her tremendously. Exactly 3 years ago, I left Europe to follow my dream in Los Angeles. I didn’t shed a tear. 2 years ago, my mom visited us here in LA and when she left, again I didn’t shed a tear. I was quite relieved. However, now things have changed. Yesterday, my parents went back to Europe and this time, for the first time I cried that my mom had to go back, as it was just a holiday. This holiday was amazing though. I miss my mom a lot. After I’ve written this post, I will call my mom and tell her how much I miss her.

For quite some time I was living in a routine and suddenly, miraculously my parents appeared in front of me. They gave us 3 weeks of joy, laughter, memories, ambition and warmth. A beautiful and amazing surprise.

I work every day towards my goal and for a long period of time, without results. However, I didn’t stop, I kept going, even though I didn’t feel it. I had no idea actually why I was doing this. For what reason.

Now I know. God will give, you keep going, you practice, you do your best and you let go. God will give. Trust. My parents keep me going. I love them.

After rain comes sunshine. It’s worth it. God has given me a beautiful gift.

Stay blessed and enjoy this Saturday.

Parents

Dear Parents,

God has already blessed me with parents like you. Which makes me want to live life like you. You make me proud and I hope one day I can make you proud. You have given me everything I’ve always wanted in life. Thank you for giving me unconditional love. Not everybody is lucky of having such parents who are giving unconditional love or they might not even have parents. Therefore, I appreciate you and cannot take you for granted.

Parents, you are the greatest gift of god.

I’m forever greatful of your support and love. Respect to all the parents who know the value of parenting and teaching. You are the foundation of life.

Thank you, god bless.

Ambition

Good morning my beautiful friends,

This magnificent, surprising and unexpected trip has made me again ambitious. It has shown me top of the world moments, things that I can achieve also through my profession. It has shown me that being humble is the key. You don’t have to be a bitch to be successful. Successful people, wealthy people are always looking for something new. They are kind, friendly and above all more giving.

It’s beautiful to be a week out of the hectic, out of Hollywood, getting energized and activating my ambition again. Know how to enjoy. Feeling peaceful, having fun, complete fun, not being on the internet for a week has made me very happy and content. Actually I was and am very happy and content. I’ve got some things on my mind that I would like to do. Think progressively, innovate and creative.

It takes work to look good, it takes work to be good. Making yourself happy requires effort. The environment I was in, kept me in the present moment. No internet, meaning no twitter or instagram, meaning not watching what other people are doing. It’s great, in this way you’re focusing more on yourself. It’s okay to check it out once a week, but preferably, once in two weeks.

This trip also makes me want to wear nice clothes, it makes me feel good about myself. It’s all about the action. And do take lots of pictures, it’s okay to put it on instagram, as long as it is with the right intention. It’s good to share but after that let everything go.

I had a room on the top floor at Wynn Las Vegas, it was beautiful and I felt very blessed and fortunate. I still feel that way. My 25th birthday was very memorable. All is well. It always is and always has been. The challenge is to maintain it, mentally.

God bless you all and stay close to yourself.

Now

The anticipation is always bigger than the actual thing. Always. It’s nice to fantasize about it. But it’s better to indulge in the presence. This, the now is what you have with you. Right now, that’s the only thing you have. Have patience and trust.

When you are on God’s side, when you are close to yourself, you know what you’re doing, no one can touch you. As long as you know what you’re doing.

And when an opportunity presents itself, it’s spontaneous, even though you don’t feel it, just do it! Go full speed ahead towards your goal, you will taste the fruit, you will have it all. Trust me good things happens spontaneously, unexpectedly, you just have to go with the flow.

All the best. Have fun and enjoy this day!

Intuition

Good evening my beautiful friends,

The past few weeks, I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, I was determined to keep moving forward. All the days felt the same to me, yet I prayed to God for gratitude and appreciation. Within me a voice said that I have to continue with what I was doing and trust God. Trust that God has great, beautiful things planned, for those who follow the right path.

My intuition told me to trust that the path, I am walking on right now, will lead me to the ultimate satisfaction. And it did. It did! Praise the lord. My birthday is at the end of this month and my parents came to visit me in LA. It was a complete surprise and they are here for a month. We are going to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas. I really kept this beautiful desire in my heart, a wish that I could celebrate my birthday with my parents. Good parents are the greatest gift from God. I’ve got my family, my mom, dad and my sister. They’re all here with me right now.

I hope this gives me the incentive, to continue following my dreams.

Not listening to anybody, only listen to your intuition. My intuition knows and tells me exactly what is good or bad for me. I have to trust my intuition. Whenever I followed my intuition, it was always right. It brings me joy and ultimate satisfaction. It brings me closer to myself, to God. That’s all I could ask for.

Amen.

God bless you, happy Sunday and wish you lots of love!

Feelings

Good morning beautiful people,

Before I stepped out of my bed today, I had a ‘sexual dream’. I opened my eyes and I felt a strong sexual desire. I felt also frustrated about it, since I cannot express this to someone. I mean, of course I can, ‘with some random guy’, but I would like to be with someone who I can trust. Nevertheless, the feeling was there. And the feeling was a bit increasing, at that moment I really wanted to express it to someone. I felt a moment of despair and unhappiness, thoughts crossed my mind of not having someone, not having my significant other. Suddenly, I stopped myself. I was aware of my thoughts. I didn’t deny this feeling, otherwise I make it even worse. Instead, I sat with the feeling, I woke up and while I was stretching my body and exercising, I went through the feelings, and told myself: ‘What if I had a significant other right now’. This feeling is temporary and it’s okay. However, I have discovered that the kind of love that I seek in reality, is eventually making a commitment with someone. The kind of love I had in my mind was only the positive side, not dealing with any negative things, kind of like a fairy tale. Dealing with a relationship takes a lot of commitment. And that commitment, I have given to my dream, to my career. Which is at this moment the only thing I completely commit to. I am not exactly where I am meant to be with my career, so I really would like to go 100% after it. I only have one chance, one life. If I find my significant other along the way, that would be nice, but I can’t seek for it anymore. Been there, done that.

I also prayed after I exercised and asked to be close to myself, to be close to God. This is just a feeling, feelings are temporary. They come and go. But once I made a choice, I cannot make it undone. I will always remember this Shakespeare line: what is done cannot be now amended.’  I can act from this feeling, but I choose to think for the long term. Yes, I can easily fall astray and that is why I have to redirect myself. It’s okay, as long as I’m aware of my thoughts, I can control my action. Since that is the only thing in the entire world, I have control of. Not my feelings, not my thoughts, but my action.

Happy Wednesday. Lots of love.