Feelings

Good morning beautiful people,

Before I stepped out of my bed today, I had a ‘sexual dream’. I opened my eyes and I felt a strong sexual desire. I felt also frustrated about it, since I cannot express this to someone. I mean, of course I can, ‘with some random guy’, but I would like to be with someone who I can trust. Nevertheless, the feeling was there. And the feeling was a bit increasing, at that moment I really wanted to express it to someone. I felt a moment of despair and unhappiness, thoughts crossed my mind of not having someone, not having my significant other. Suddenly, I stopped myself. I was aware of my thoughts. I didn’t deny this feeling, otherwise I make it even worse. Instead, I sat with the feeling, I woke up and while I was stretching my body and exercising, I went through the feelings, and told myself: ‘What if I had a significant other right now’. This feeling is temporary and it’s okay. However, I have discovered that the kind of love that I seek in reality, is eventually making a commitment with someone. The kind of love I had in my mind was only the positive side, not dealing with any negative things, kind of like a fairy tale. Dealing with a relationship takes a lot of commitment. And that commitment, I have given to my dream, to my career. Which is at this moment the only thing I completely commit to. I am not exactly where I am meant to be with my career, so I really would like to go 100% after it. I only have one chance, one life. If I find my significant other along the way, that would be nice, but I can’t seek for it anymore. Been there, done that.

I also prayed after I exercised and asked to be close to myself, to be close to God. This is just a feeling, feelings are temporary. They come and go. But once I made a choice, I cannot make it undone. I will always remember this Shakespeare line: what is done cannot be now amended.’  I can act from this feeling, but I choose to think for the long term. Yes, I can easily fall astray and that is why I have to redirect myself. It’s okay, as long as I’m aware of my thoughts, I can control my action. Since that is the only thing in the entire world, I have control of. Not my feelings, not my thoughts, but my action.

Happy Wednesday. Lots of love.

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