Ups and downs

Hi beautiful babies,

Today is the beginning of a new journey, I signed with a reputable talent agency, with the Commercial Department. We’ll see how that goes. It was a thick contract and it took me 2.5 hours signing it, since I had a lot of questions. Yes, I have become very critical, but only because I have nothing to lose and I would like to know everything before I sign. Now that I have the trust, I’m excited where this will go. It took me a long time to get the ‘right’ one, I declined several ‘reputable’ talent agency’s, simply because the energy didn’t feel right. With this one, it does. But again we’ll see.

Now it took me 2 hours before I got home, since the bus goes every hour. I wanted to go to an event, but I decided that I could utilize my time for other things. Plus, I don’t think the event would really add value to my knowledge. Tomorrow I am attending the NBC universal Hackathon at Sheraton Hotel. This will be interesting, I actually don’t even know anymore if I should go. Maybe it might be something what is completely besides the point and will add no value. I don’t know, all I know is, that it is 24 hours and I will be there the WHOLE day. I seriously have no idea, what will happen. But you know what, life is an adventure, at least I take it as an adventure, so it’s on!

Now, I do have to confess something, I told you that I would not check other profiles, at least for a week. Well, because I had to contact someone through Facebook, I activated it and scrolled into newsfeed and saw the other profile. I felt jealous and very sad, that I checked it. That person seems to be rising faster than me and I was the one who started! Well, all I know is that I am in Hollywood and it’s all about adding value. So I don’t know about that other person, but I do know one thing, that it is important to add value to the society and not just putting something out there and just want to get famous. Those thoughts really doesn’t serve me anymore. Was I thinking of bragging and telling the world that I signed up with a new agent and just doing modeling photo shoot (which I have done already, could do more) etc, hmmm I could. What I want is something rare. It’s challenging though, this society, is so fast. I really want to keep up with it, but I can only do it at my own pace. Oeff, what to do? Seriously. I don’t want to focus on someone else and I again really have to know why I am doing this, what the purpose is. Cannot lose track, even though I do want to show the world (and that person) that I was the one who started and then that person got inspired. Oh lord, I know it’s time consuming, but these thoughts are here and I am a bit jealous. But again what can I do. If I didn’t check, I wouldn’t have these thoughts. I am in the mecca of the film industry and everything happens here. I’ve got everything going for me (touch wood) I just have to trust it.

The fact is, by looking to others, I will miss my own boat. I know that, it happened already. I finally am acquiring new things again, I cannot and absolutely cannot afford it to lose it again, by looking and comparing to others. Because the grass always seems greener on the other side. And who knows, if I keep investing in myself and doing the things that I love and support, perhaps within a year, things will start to unfold that I didn’t see coming. Something big, something huge. That can only happen if I completely focus on myself. Now, I could do the same thing they’re doing, but I am an actress, that is my priority. That’s who I am and what I want to be. I mean I know a lot of ‘stars’ are doing a lot of other things, but before they could do that, I don’t think they were doing ‘other’ things, other than acting. I mean, yes I am in Los Angeles and I could blog about it and sell the stories and pictures to magazines in Europe, but that’s another field, that also takes time and effort. Which I could do, but only in regards to acting.

It’s 7pm and I cannot waste my time anymore, checking other people’s victories in other fields, especially of that one person. But I just saw that the person is copying (inspired by) other big people. Following me? Oh well, I mean meanwhile others have more success than me. I mean this is ridiculous, I should be happy that I’ve signed with a new reputable talent agent and here I am, writing about how others are rising. Seriously, this is how I missed the boat a year ago. I lost, because I thought I am not worth it and I don’t have what it takes. NO, I won’t let that happen. Not again. I don’t care how far other people are and how ‘successful’ they are, I have to do my own part and do my own effort. My journey is different. It’s a beautiful life. It is. It’s different, very different, the road I’m walking is different, but it’s worth it, I appreciate it.

Thank you all and Have a wonderful weekend.

Cheers, much love


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