I had a dream that I would be a game changer. I would contribute globally. I would achieve something, but start from scratch. Lose things and then gain even more. I had a dream that I could contribute to equality, men and women are equal, we all can achieve the same thing. I had a dream to give people hope and encourage and reveal to them, that ANYBODY can make it, that ‘stars’, celebrities, ‘rich people’ are working everyday and sacrificed a lot before they got where they are right now. Nobody is just sitting around and getting cash, some sacrifices are made. Nobody is ‘lucky’ and gets things ‘easily’. It can be a state of mind that things can be easy, but everybody is workin,g the rich and poor. The only difference is, well I don’t know what the difference is. Maybe there is no difference between rich and poor. Jk Rowling, Oprah, Will Smith etc they were all poor. And now they are one of the richest people in the world.
If I don’t challenge myself, life will challenge me. And it is challenging me right now. I have always challenged myself to some extent. But God knows what I want, deep inside of me what I truly want to become. I know drastic changes have to be made. I feel the fear, but I know I have to do it anyway. I am on the edge, almost feeling that I am about to die, but I still have to do it anyway. I have to take this risk again. Taking risks has always helped me, it is beneficial. I have gotten signs of what the next step will be. To me it sounds so off guard and the opposite direction. But I have to trust God. I always did and I have survived. My life is in your hands God.
I do not have to be in a relationship to be/ feel okay. I am rather healthy alone than being sick together. I am owning my mistakes 100 %. Behavior has a start and an end. The past is gone, the future hasn’t come yet. This is what I have. There are no tears left, I am immune to pain. I give my life to you, tell me what I should do, I won’t see it, but you can. You know what I want, I have neglected you God, but I won’t do it anymore, I don’t have a choice. My heart is under attack, I have anxiety, I only have you God. You tell me and I’ll do it. If this is what you want, I’ll do it. God give me the strength to endure this circumstance, challenge. God give me the strength and faith to keep going. I don’t see anything, no end of this tunnel, only you see it. I am surrendering to you God. Guide me.