All the bubbles popped

Everything popped, ever since I am here. I cannot live in the illusion. I fooled myself consciously or unconsciously that certain things can be alright. I have to let go and I have, but there is one aspect that I have to let go.

Illusion: I have let go of the expectation that my prince charming will come: Reality: ‘It will not come, perhaps n…ever’

Illusion: I have let go that love will happen spontaneously: Reality: ‘If I want love, I have to work for it’

Illusion: I have let go that people will stay forever and give unconditional love: Reality: ‘Nobody can stay forever in my life, that’s nature and I can not be attached to someone. They can give me love today and leave or be angry tomorrow.

Illusion: I will be happy when I have reached my ‘goal’, be the actress that I want to be, have a husband, have the love of my life, my soul mate  Reality: So foolish of me to think this way. But I was ignorant, I didn’t know better, that’s why I came to the USA, build things on my own. I know now, what I didn’t know then, that happiness is in the now. I might never achieve my goal or even if I will at what cost. Worry doesn’t bring me anywhere. It never did.

Reality is that whatever will happen will happen. My biggest illusion was to keep peace with both of my parents. I thought they would be together forever. But they can’t see each other’s positive traits anymore. I have learned so much from their mistakes. So much. I won’t go into a relationship, until I can trust the person. And I will not go into a relationship with expectations. It’s absolutely pointless.

It is absolutely pointless to expect ANYTHING in life, nothing happens exactly the way I want. So what’s the point of expecting. And every time when I wasn’t expecting something, it happened. Positive or negative. There are some things which are beyond my control. The sooner I expect the better, I live my life and we’ll see what happens. I always wanted control in my life. I’m gonna let life happen now. I don’t want to fight anymore. Let it be. It’s okay. It’s okay.

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