Life hack

It’s very simple. What would I do if I made it and already achieved what I had to achieve?

Do the things I love. Do it now!

I wanted to work out, didn’t have the time, I made time.

I wanted to dance, I made time.

I wanted to give love and spread joy, I am doing that.

I wanted to be generous and give chocolate to people who were good to me professionally, I did that.

And still going strong. Remember, how much I will give, that’s how much I will get.

I got a lot 😉

Love you all.

Ego

Ever since I’ve put my ego aside, life is so easy! So easy. I accept the reality. simple. Who cares what other things, I am happy with what I have. so happy. I am set free.

No expectations, done, live free.

Unconditional love

It’s been 3.5 years since I left Europe. It’s been 10 months since I haven’t talked to you, but let me tell you something:

I have and will never forget you. Every heartbeat belongs to you. I just love you so much. Yes the reality is that I’ve become a better person ever since I let you go. But you are still in my heart. And I just hope that perhaps not in this life time but in an another life time we can be together. I adore you, I admire you. I love you.

I know I should only worship God and put myself first. But I love you so much. Your kiss, your touch, everything about you. I wanted to be your wife.

It’s so sad, that when I declared my love for you, you took it for granted. It’s okay, I was like that too. I was. Now when love comes to me again, I won’t take it for granted.

I will always love you, I am who I am because of you. I am a better person without you. But you were one of the most important person in my life. I thank you for coming in my life. I want to hug you, hug you forever. I love you so much.

I hope one day I can say thank you to you and hug you, kiss your forehead. I respect you, always. Take care my love

How to increase Stamina?

It’s Thursday, 25th of June, basically a whole day off. Doing nothing. Walked in the morning, called my mother and now 6.23pm going to watch inside out.

Around 3pm, I learned 2 dance steps and I was done. Damn, my stamina is low. My mind wants to do it, but my body is saying no. But I want to! I really have to force myself. I used to be a dancer, my stamina was great. So I know I can do it, but I haven’t utilized my body in that way for 3 years! I have to do it, my body is craving for it!

Anyway, I might as well go all the way, and do a guilty pleasure, watching a movie, yeah!!

I will take the time to learn the dance steps, I have to, I want to and I have to force my body. Because it feels so good to dance.

If you have any tips on increasing stamina, please share!

Thank you and enjoy this Thursday!

Kindness

I woke up today at 8am. I went for a walk. Because of the mold issue I went to Roosevelt hotel first to utilize the rest room. And then I went for a walk. It’s like a holiday, 5 star hotels, great weather, great walk, sunshine, what a life!

Yes, once I found myself it’s easy to be in the moment. However, some people can be rude because of their own issues At the supermarket there was a cashier who was lately moody. 1 year ago she was quite nice and happy. But she is now irrated. Anyway I have to learn that just because I’m happy doesn’t mean other’s are.

But I don’t have to ruin my mood, I can stay calm and kind. It’s all about being kind! I should have remained kind. I should have said: ‘It’s okay honey, have a nice day’!

So no one can take away my shine. It’s all in my control! All in my control, happiness. And the rest I let go, love life! This is my dream!

Life is a game

I know what I want by doing what I don’t want. That’s what I know for sure. It’s really that simple. It’s a game.

If I can earn $9 p hour and then going to earning $100 an hour and going back to the $9, honey trust me life is a game. I better play my cards right. It really is that simple. Because I earned that day a big amount of money, I could take a month off. However I went to the audience work again, the court show, to earn some extra cash to complete the rent, I learned something significant.

First of all, l haven’t changed, I have grown, my mentality is still the same and that’s why I kicked the ball high. I believed that I can, so I can and I did. I also took tremendous amount of risks.

I hacked life’s success rules. Yes, it’s about knowing and believing that life is great, regardless of any situation. Celebrate now, with that energy I’ve won and am winning.

Less talking more doing.

Have ONE focus, hit the bulls eye, simple. Commit to one thing and don’t fall in the trap of just making ‘money’. Money is great, but CONTRIBUTING is fulfilling.

SHARE ideas, knowledge, success tips, because that gave me more ideas and I reached to a higher level.

It’s a game, have fun with this life!

It’s wednesday, so Power Yoga here I come!

Desperate

Initially I was immensely desperate to be an actress. At any cost. I thought I was nothing, I had nothing, so I might as well go all the way. Buying a lot, didn’t want to say no. Perhaps not nudity, that I still was apprehensive to do. But I was desperate to have an agent, manager. I thought attaching myself to any agent or manager, that would be good enough. Little did I know, that these people just want to make money. If I’m booking, then they’ll hire me. Basically I am doing all the work. They have the relationships with the casting directors. I’m paying for that basically.

Nothing happened, I didn’t see the value of my life, the value of my acting, of what I got. I just wanted to have commercial success. At any cost. Be a star. But do I even understand the concept of being a star?

I have grown. Now I understand what I want. I want balance in my life. I want quality, always wanted that. I just got somehow attached to ‘it’. I have grown. If it happens it happens, my center is God, working on myself, my family; mom, dad, my sister. Those people are important to me.

I learn that’s all I can do. I can only learn from things. That’s it. Initially I loved drama. But thank God, my life is simple, I would like to keep it simple. No matter what, I do my best and keep it simple. No drama. That was the old me. I left that person a long time ago. It’s over, it’s done. I’m starting over, a new me.

Acceptance

I always made sure that everything works out the way I want to. To a certain extent, I could manage it. Perhaps not exactly the way I wanted to, or when I wanted to, but I know I could achieve it.

Now I just want to take a break from that hustling, but honestly, this is earth. Things will never go perfectly or smooth, only perhaps in my mind, but that’s it. I thought I found a home, turns out I have to move again. But where? That unknown part again. The only thing I have is trust. That’s the only thing I have. That’s it.

So my objective is finding a new apartment with hardwood? Or my objective will be ? I mean what about making my film. That is on stop right now. Because of this incident. I mean, I don’t have motivation for it. It’s Sunday.

I guess I just have to let it be. Just let it be. Let it go. Don’t want to talk about it at all. I am worrying too much about things that is not even in my control anyway. Whatever will happen will happen. When I was working on cases and other things which I thought will there ever be an end, a result? And it had. My sister is going out on a date. I don’t. I feel alone. I just have to pray. The only time when I feel one with my body, when I feel completely present is when I dance or when I do Yoga.

I accept my life as it is. It is what it is. I can eat, I drink water, I breath, I live, I exist, I have a roof above my head. Even though there are mold issues and I know I have to move out eventually, I can only do my best. But I am not going to rebel, or call random people, waste my energy, time and feel even worse. I just feel a bit empty. But when I meditate I feel whole again. It’s okay. I accept it. Life is good. It really is. It’s simple. I like to keep it that way.

Thank you for this life, that’s all I can say.

Where is this going?

I woke up and I just wanted to lie in bed. Lie in bed and doing nothing. But because there are a lot of things going on with the apartment, I can’t breath properly and I am allergic to carpet, which is visible now, I got out and went outside.

I went to the swimming poo. I swam, relaxed, felt at peace. After that I had a delicious hamburger.

I feel so lost. Bottom line, I feel lost. I mean I don’t understand. But I just need some rest and put my mind on zero. I have to. Yes, I have to be outside, because the carpet is irritating my skin.

I feel lost. I have to take responsibility. Nothing is under my control. Absolutely nothing.

I just don’t know what I want, or where this is going. I don’t know. I am lost, I absolutely don’t know, I am where I was…..At least that’s how I feel….

Repent by donating

This week has been hectic, finding out about certain health issues and then today receiving a letter to enter my unit for mold inspection. Which the bill could potentially be sent to me…..

I was desperate to escape, desperate to just going to the cinema and spend money. Spend money, buy stuff, just to get rid of this ‘feeling’. I became desperate and I didn’t do a good deed today. I was in the line, they counted a specific amount of people who had to go into the show, and I was the last one, I slipped back. I could have asked someone to just fill my spot, or go all the way to the end, but I didn’t. I received money, but it wasn’t mine. I just wanted to go back home as early as possible to go to the cinema.

I felt a huge guilt when I went back home. I absolutely could not spend this money on cinema or other things. This money is not mine anymore, I have to repent. The only good thing I could do with it, is to give it to charity. And the money that I will earn from the next show will also go to charity. That’s the least I can do.

I have never done this, I am a good person, I didn’t cheat, or lied or anything that will hurt someone or something. But today I became desperate. I have to repent and I will strongly have to take care of the budget and this month, I will safe. I will not spend it on anything, unless it is necessary.

Contributing is important, giving back to the society, to community is important. It’s the only way I can be forgiven.