I always made sure that everything works out the way I want to. To a certain extent, I could manage it. Perhaps not exactly the way I wanted to, or when I wanted to, but I know I could achieve it.
Now I just want to take a break from that hustling, but honestly, this is earth. Things will never go perfectly or smooth, only perhaps in my mind, but that’s it. I thought I found a home, turns out I have to move again. But where? That unknown part again. The only thing I have is trust. That’s the only thing I have. That’s it.
So my objective is finding a new apartment with hardwood? Or my objective will be ? I mean what about making my film. That is on stop right now. Because of this incident. I mean, I don’t have motivation for it. It’s Sunday.
I guess I just have to let it be. Just let it be. Let it go. Don’t want to talk about it at all. I am worrying too much about things that is not even in my control anyway. Whatever will happen will happen. When I was working on cases and other things which I thought will there ever be an end, a result? And it had. My sister is going out on a date. I don’t. I feel alone. I just have to pray. The only time when I feel one with my body, when I feel completely present is when I dance or when I do Yoga.
I accept my life as it is. It is what it is. I can eat, I drink water, I breath, I live, I exist, I have a roof above my head. Even though there are mold issues and I know I have to move out eventually, I can only do my best. But I am not going to rebel, or call random people, waste my energy, time and feel even worse. I just feel a bit empty. But when I meditate I feel whole again. It’s okay. I accept it. Life is good. It really is. It’s simple. I like to keep it that way.
Thank you for this life, that’s all I can say.