I have wasted 3 years of my life thinking of you, that you actually would come to me, that we actually had a chance. I’ve been living in an illusion. A year ago, I took responsibility of my actions and got myself together. I worked on myself. I am here to contribute to the society.
Having said that. I lost myself while I was with you, slowly. You were my destination and of course I love you. But please you keep pulling me to you, your thoughts are about me and I feel it. Even though there is an Atlantic ocean between us, I know and feel it that you are thinking of me. Yes, I still have feelings for you. But I have to be logical. Either waste my life, trying to be with you, and I know the reality. You are not happy. God, I know, both of us know that there were some magical moments, but that was 5 years ago, in 2010. It’s not now honey. Will you come to me? Will you?
I asked it to you before. I’ve tried to do this, for 5 years. You are who you are and nothing is going to change from your side, at least I’m not expecting that. Every single time when I moved on, or at least attempted to, you felt it and again you sabotaged it from me moving on. I AM MOVING ON OKAY. YES WITHOUT YOU. So please, stop pulling me to you and then dump me again when I am there for you. I don’t deserve that. I deserve and I don’t let myself treat that way, at least not anymore.
Yes I love you, but I am not desperate for your love anymore. I have everything I want and I do my best, to get to the next level. I have a beautiful family, living my life here, with a lot of joy and integrity. No space for someone who doesn’t value himself and pushes that insecurity on to me. Deal with your own issues, once you have dealt with that, you can come to me, but I cannot fix you and quite frankly I don’t want to spend my time and energy into doing that. There are more important things in the world, other people who appreciate my attention and actually tries to improve their lives.
Look, I still love you, but in a very nice, respectful way, your love and memories are in me, but I don’t need to awaken that and please don’t come and try to awaken those memories. Just STOP. IT’s done, I am moving on. I do my own things, I make my own mistakes, I live and learn. I love my life, I love myself and I make amends to keep it that way. I work for it. So please, stop sabotaging my happiness, by pulling me in the past. The past is GONE. I’ve decided to move on and make a home here in LA. You didn’t want to come here with me, that was your choice. WE both made a Choice and now we have to stick to it. I am and I have no regrets. This was best for me. You do what you have to do and I do what I would like to do. My job is not finished here, this is just the beginning for me.
Because by letting you go, the impossible, I made everything else possible. EVERYTHING ELSE. I might have lost this battle with you, I still love you, but honey, I am about to win the war. It’s only time. And you will see me, you will and perhaps finally you will be loving to me again, perhaps you will get some sense, but until that moment, you have given me a challenge. A challenge to live my life, be present, have fun, because I know by doing that, you love me even more. And I become more independent. And for that my sweet friend, I will always love you.