I did one missed call and you called me back and then later in the evening you again called me. Dare I say, I picked up. Yes, I did. My heart was beating fast. A year ago, we talked and the conversation wasn’t really positive. But it’s not about what we said to each other, it’s about what we didn’t say. Your words were harsh at that time, but I let you go. I didn’t forget you, I just shifted my focus. I build up my career. I put focus on myself, I became a better person, I became kind and got the most beautiful gift of all: ME.
You asked me why I called you? Am I single, is that why I am calling you? To get you back? You said so many things, but I know you. I called to say thank you. Thank you for coming in my life, showing me what not to do. I thank you for all your words, the good and the bad. Again it is not about what you say, it’s about what you not say. I learned a lot. I did want to reconcile with you, perhaps after a year, I thought you could be my friend. We haven’t talked for a year. But the thing is, people don’t change, their masks just fall. Talking to you, saying thank you to you, talking positively to you, even though you tried to push your insecurities on to me, I still could see the positive side. Why? I told you 🙂 I’m happy, I am so grateful that you came in my life and what I didn’t say:
‘Everyday I thank myself for making this decision of choosing my career. For following my intuition. I’ve grown and I thought you might have changed. Perhaps not talking to you, life experience would help you grow. But you’re still a bit bitter. Hurt people hurt and lovely people love. It’s okay. I lost this battle, but I’ve won the war. At the end I found myself and the best Christmas gift is me 🙂 I rather be alone than being sick and miserable together. It’s about giving. Not waiting. In life you can wait your life away, which I did. I shifted my focus into my work, into something where I can contribute. I wanted to ‘feel’ for so long. That’s why so many go into drugs, alcohol or just blindly go into a relationship. I’m not going to deny things. I’m living my life and trust life. There are hidden treasures, secrets to life. I learned a lot from every human being. And when one door shuts another one opens. I learned so much. And I’m glad that the door has been closed. I don’t know why I turned again bitter, I was going into ‘frustration’ mode. Because I waited again, secretly. People don’t change and if you think they have changed, their masks fell.
If someone doesn’t like me it’s okay, I am not here for their approval. I do what I do, I don’t need to justify myself for that.
I thank God for giving me this platform to grow, for giving me wonderful parents, for giving me a kind sister. And for giving me ambition. A year ago I wanted to get closer to myself, get closer to God. Oh God, thank you so much. I’ve made the best decision of coming to Los Angeles. I haven’t lost anything. No sacrifices are made. I actually made the biggest investment and after 4 years I can safely say, It’s paying off. Oh yes, because the biggest gift of my entire life you have given me, is me. Getting close to me, myself. Appreciating myself. Because in that way, I appreciate God and life its self. I’ve got me, I’m my own best friend, I trust myself and my intuition. Thank you so much. People come and go, but I’ve got myself.
So cheers for finding myself, my goal has been achieved and thank you God. Dare I say if I’d stay and picked the wrong choice, I would have regret. The past is gone, I’ve closed the chapter, let’s start this beautiful new life. LA is my home, I’m loved here, God is alive here, it’s cheerful, there is happiness, love, laughter and joy. There is appreciation. I love you God, I keep loving. I love for the sake of God. Thank you for this life, thank you!
And you my friend, you picked up the phone, you immediately changed your Facebook picture, I know you were seeking validation through me. I know everything. You feel that I left you. But I never left you, I just went on with my life. I called you, to say thank you, to appreciate you as a human being. Regardless of what you might think of me, I know you feel the same about me. You said it yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t pick up the phone. But talking to you, and you asking me this question if I would go back, made me realize even more that all the doors has been closed and I just have to keep going forward. That’s it. Being happy and have a beautiful life here. 🙂 God bless you 🙂 And thank you for your harsh words, yes I don’t have ‘someone’, and I know you’re married. But I rather be with myself, than being with someone and not appreciating that person, and not dealing with my own feelings. I like to be with someone who I care about, who I want to give to. I actually closed the door, because it wasn’t fair to that other person, to be friends with me. I actually thank myself and my sister, for moving forward with my life. That’s why I am here. I just wanted to close with a clean heart, with love. That’s it. That’s all, nothing more, nothing less.
Spread love and kindness, always!