You are still part of me, you taught me well, that chapter is closed, I am choosing for the unknown

I can’t wait my whole life for that one person. There is so much more to discover, there is so much light. Life is light. I have to be practical and not lead by emotions. It feels nice, but I’m actually stagnating. Going back, to the known, which brought me out of balance. I neglected all of my pure relationships at that time, with my parents and sister, all because I wanted to hang out with that person. That personality wasn’t even me. I was completely out of balance. Focusing on person, radiating all of my energy to one person and what’s worse, that person wasn’t receiving anything, the heart was blocked. There was no reciprocation.

My ego was keeping me. I though, why can’t I shine light on that person, why isn’t it working. But I learned so much from this person. From this experience, my relationship with my parents and sister significantly improved. It’s great if I can provide for my family, be there for them. Right now my parents are supporting me in the journey of following my heart and being a filmmaker. Truly contributing to society through film making.

That person is not in my life anymore, because that’s not who I am. I perhaps was that person, but I’ve grown. I learned to include humanity in the process, in my life. So to keep going in the past is pointless, because I’m done, I have to apply everything I’ve learned as of now, in the moment.

I was comparing myself to my own sister, I also equally wanted to be good. I was obsessed about it, to the point that it wasn’t healthy. I didn’t know. When God closed a door, he did that deliberately. He knows more. It would be wrong of me to open it again. That means I don’t trust God. I trust God, he has shown me time and again, that I’m going on the right path.The path which is meant for me. The past already came to visit me. And what I have as a memory, reality is different. If I rely on my memory, I will see the beautiful side. But when I look closer, I do see the truth. With patience everything falls into place. Today the relationship that I have with my sister is much stronger. Stronger than ever. Like it was meant to be.

I’m not holding any grudges, I’m releasing it. I still love that person, but that person is also learning. That person was a messenger and I have to trust the unknown. By letting go of the impossible, I made everything else possible. God bless



I love you, I love you, I love you, I love youl

I love you, just come to me. Let’s hug. Put your ego aside, why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that love can be simple. love is simple. you hug and we kiss and then we continue with our daily life. If you would understand, I would hug you, kiss you and then the next morning, I would exercise and do things on my own. But focusing on my own life, continuing with life, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.

This whole explanation shouldn’t happen, you understand me right? From within? I love you so much. It’s that simple. It’s really that simple. A gentle kiss, a simple hug, yet so effective, so romantic. I wish you understood, but that’s asking for another personality. It’s not in you, I guess. It is, but you decide when you want to give and when not. I can’t wait on that. But I love you, please know that, I have always loved you. After you, I dated some guys, but I want you. I always want you, you are my diamond. I wish you could see the same, how beautiful you are. You think you don’t deserve this beautiful love and that is the root of all the problem. If you give that to yourself, that beautiful real love, that we had, life is amazing. ❤

Hillary Clinton made a masterplan 8 years ago, Trump was just a distraction. Behind this election, there is something more important going on, with humanity.

Connect the dots my friends. Connect the dots. Hillary Clinton wouldn’t stand a chance, next to Obama. He was the chosen one. She knew that. She has to stand to a ‘clown’, next to a huge distraction, which happened to be one of her close friends and business partner Trump, so that the focus is shift from a horrible leaked e-mails to someone who is ‘entertaining’ us.

If you have watched Zootopia (the sheep, yep, does it ring any bells?) and Quantico (the senator is behind the bomb blasts) it makes sense. Filmmakers are speaking to us. I am a filmmaker and I am also revealing the truth(about another topic), which thankfully has been selected for best short film.

There was no choice, there was no choice from the start. If you ask around you, who would you choose? All of them are saying, none of them. Very interesting that Bernie, ‘stepped out’ a few days ago.

Of course she will win. She had 8 years to plan this. But everywhere I go, the citizens of United States of America, is not happy. She is dangerous. She is calculated. The e-mails have been leaked, we know what she is capable of. However this is certainly not the biggest issue. No matter what the press is saying, believe in yourself, trust your own instincts. Think as individuals and always question everything.

Whatever happens, we all have each other. Don’t assume, that whatever is on the news, or press, that it is the truth. It is often far from the truth. Keep your eyes open, be alert and above all follow your own instincts. America is going up again, no doubt about it, America is becoming great again. It is already happening, this country is going to be a powerhouse again. But it shouldn’t be at the cost of someone else. I understand that things have to be done for the great or good, but there are more ways that lead to Rome.


Having said this, we as the citizens of United States of America, we’re fine, all is well. From decades, they are just trying to scare the citizens. It’s safe out there, a beautiful life. We all feel it, intuitively. All is well. Those attacks are distractions, to hide something which is larger than anything else. Food, medicines and clothes. Please, try to implement non gmo food and organic food in your life. Yes it costs a lot, I know. I don’t have a car, I am spending it on quality food. Perhaps in the near future I can invest in a car. Yes I can get a brand new car, for less than $250 a month. But that money, I am investing in quality food. There are a lot of ingredients, which are very dangerous and toxic for the human kind. Milk is not what it’s supposed to be, not anymore.

I don’t know if you have seen  Bill gates video. But he said in a Youtube video: that with medicines, food they can decrease the population significantly. They can do that, he said it himself. Health is more important, health is wealth. Trust me, when I chose for health, I received wealth. I am healthy.

Being human. God Bless. Spread love and kindness, always.

Forget control, this is about justice

‘You can’t control from happening.’ Forget control, this is about justice. For the great or good. Need to get priorities straight. Priorities. 

My sister clearly doesn’t know everything. I realized that my character, my spirit, my hope is important. I am the driving force behind everything. When I brought hope, my sister is happy. She is. I was silent, because I thought, I needed space, need to know who I am. I needed something of my own. She is innocent and precious. When everybody was against us, we had each other. I could have hugged her, it’s in me, I love.

It’s me. I radiate the energy. Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. In order to have that, I should be like that. We make mistakes, but it’s not about making it, it’s about how you resolve it and make things right again, more importantly follow the truth. Don’t get distracted, always find the truth, listen and observe. I’m still learning. And I have a partner who is teaching me. I get to help people, that’s a huge privilege. I shouldn’t take that for granted. I am not.

I have a mission together with my sister. A mission to bring goodness, spread kindness, bring justice. Lend a voice to those who can’t. And along the way, enjoying my time on this earth. God bless, have a beautiful night. Rest well ❤


Speaking out the truth

Issues that need to be resolved, but where’s the fun in life? I’m alone in this world. I’ve seen it time and time again. But in this world, constantly you have to put your ego aside in order to bring society forward. All I wanted was just shine bright on screen, with no drama. I am very unhappy and sad that I try to cover things up, being too ice. I don’t like that personality. So now I hide? I wanted to be ‘liked’ so bad, but no one really seems to care. Nobody cares and that’s the biggest truth out there.

I wanted to be heard, leave an impact. But I’m too defensive. I flip, become angry. With no result. I hurt myself in the process. I wanted justice. I used to have empathy. I remained calm, I did what I wanted to do. I am angry, because I care too much. I care what other people think. But that’s not who I am. I want to speak out the truth, justice. But life is not heavy. That’s why I escaped, I lived for one year on my own. With a purpose, to proof to myself that I will not persuade myself anymore. I took care of myself. I made choices and I wasn’t a drama queen. I watched movies, learned, danced. I took initiative, I took responsibility of my own actions. But I wanted more.

I wanted to speak. Truly speak to society. What matters, share my wisdom. Have an understanding and do what truly matters.

A lot of things stand in the way, but these small things, I can’t let them take over me. Accept certain things, what is not in my control. Just accept. The only thing I can change is myself and actions. Do what is right. We can’t turn against each other. WE all have to work together, because we can.

It is in the defeat that I truly find out what I am capable of

Defeat. I don’t like it. But I realized that when I come out of it, I rise from it. I knew who I was, who I am. If I win all the time, that’s easy, I’m a winner. But what truly makes me a winner is when I stand up again. When I put myself back on track. I found perspective. In the moment I have to belief that it is possible.

For how long am I going to be in this mode, in this routine. Only I, myself can get out. It is my mentality. Putting faith into action. If I got the tools already, what would I do? Suppose I don’t have to wait, suppose I have everything now at my disposal, what are the steps that I would undertake?

What defines us is how well we rise after falling. Defeat makes me that much stronger, I cannot learn from victory only, it is in the defeat that I truly find out what I am capable of.

I have tried to run like a horse, so badly, I wanted to be on the top very fast, but God gave me another power, the power of longevity, I am the camel

Patience is a virtue. I have tried to be a horse, I wanted to win the race, be on the top. Everybody else ‘seemed’ to have it right away, very quick success. Living here in Los Angeles, I understood the true meaning of success. It definitely doesn’t come right away. Once can debate about the journey whether it is easy or challenging, to each it’s own. But I thought after time went by I should win all the awards for my film, since I have improved my craft. I am definitely seeing a lot of progress. 1.5 years ago my aim was to be selected for a film festival, to be nominated and this year my aim was to win. My second film has been selected for several film festivals, which I am really proud of, we have covered press interviews, articles, I am definitely hitting my target and great things are happening, more than I could imagine. I am going for art, me and my sister. It is a noble job, the films are regarding an important theme, a social issue/ political etc. With our hint of optimism. That is working well and resonating with the audience. When I am writing things down on paper, it sounds actually great, I am on the right track. I just wanted to get faster results, immediate results. Rushing through life, to get the price, not paying attention to the surroundings. Not paying attention to humanity, but that is not how it works.

Time and time again God pushes me to take care of humanity, of my health, of my relationship with my parents, my sister, with me. to live life, live a fulfilled life. I have been living a balanced life for quite some time now, but as time went by, I found it again too slow. I have fought for the horse power, but that is not me. It took years to accept which power is mine. Everybody is different, everybody’s time is different. I don’t want to compete, I am running my own race. It’s not about how fast you can get there, it’s how long you can stay.

And to those who want to compete with me, remember one thing:

You can run like a horse, but I’ll beat you with longevity: I am the camel..

I didn’t see the point of life anymore, until God showed me

Hi sweethearts,

What a week, honestly, I felt at the end a bit defeated. I went to Santa Monica Beach on Monday which was very nice, some children sold some home made lemonade, I was walking with my sister on the boulevard, I saw the beautiful ocean, we ate some delicious lamb burgers. It was real authentic lamb. Everything felt right and in place. I felt great over there, I felt at peace. Probably because there was fresh air, less crowded. The dentist actually gave me the idea to go to the beach. He said: ‘You’re not going to the beach?’ And I said: Noooo. But internally I was saying, should I?

I was so worried about my teeth, about making my next film, the schedule, budget etc. I just wanted to safe money for the equipment, safe for the holiday, I just forgot about doing something spontaneous, being in the moment. That’s why I loved having a ‘boyfriend’, like this dentist, he came up with this randomly, it just made it light. It made life light, this is what it is about, not those frivolous things. Yes, I went to the beach, my sister thought it was a great idea, and we went, spontaneously.

We took a lyft to go to Amorino Gelato Ice cream store in Beverly Hills. That was not a nice experience, for the first time, the lyft driver was rude, she was a female and was not making a great name as a female driver. She had her own experience going on with someone else and pushed in on us. To make keep it short, it got to me.

The whole week, was a back to back, setback. Relatives being rude to us, agent not liking me for no apparent reason, all being not nice to me, for the fact that I was nice? Anyway, I went on with my life, but then I started to worry about my teeth, because there was a brown stain, which wasn’t removed, I forgot to ask. However, my gums are growing back, my teeth and gums are healthy. I saw a blessing and then reality was hitting me, I had to deal with people, day to day quarrels, it all wasn’t serving me to the point that I seriously was thinking yesterday evening, what is the reason of life, why am I here, because this is too much. I came from a very peaceful environment in Amsterdam, lived next to a beautiful river and boom got here in Hollywood, the city. Which was amazing at first, but now it’s too hectic for me. Then I just wanted to succeed, everybody is on top of the world, where am I? Will I ever reach where I want to reach? Have I reached it? I just wanted to give up.

Until I received a dream. There is something left, there is. See this is the thing, whether I come from a poor village or a rich village, once we are where we are, how do you maintain the level of happiness. It’s constant appreciation, reminding myself, where I came from. This is my story, this is my life. And I have a choice. I am complaining too much, I worry too much. What will happen will happen, so what is my problem? Do I have to have a ‘romantic acquisition’ to feel it? To numb this worrisome, in that way I am making myself dependable. No. I should allow myself to enjoy and be spontaneous, being in the moment. I don’t have an answer of how I will do everything, but I didn’t know that either, 4.5 years ago. I have to trust and this trust gives me happiness, content. I am more than enough, I am celebration of life, I am joy. I have seen it now, that with or without the achievements, life is still the same, there are going to be problems. But problems are meant to be solved and I don’t have to swim in it. I want to see things on a more positive note, that I am blessed with everything. Everything else works out anyway. Let me just enjoy life. Let me allow myself to enjoy it. Step by step, baby steps. It’s a task, it’s a challenge, but God, you are with me, you have my back and I thank you for it. Good things are happening. I have to work for it, it doesn’t happen magically, I create it. Amen

Kill them with kindness

I am grateful to my parents for giving me this beautiful opportunity to live my life on my own terms and follow my dream. And to those who tried to put me down; Yes, I cried myself to sleep, I reacted on those who loved me the most. I was being pushed to the edge, I fell, but I swam. I took charge, I swam all the way to the other side of the world, across the ocean, you’e pushed me towards greatness. I cried, it hurts, you took my kindness for weakness, but make no mistake silence is the ultimate weapon of power. It speaks louder than words.

I am on a magnificent journey, Los Angeles has been the best decision of my life. Money comes and goes, it is important, but love and compassion are necessities, without them, humanity cannot survive. He who denies humanity, denies themselves. I choose for happiness and I most definitely surround myself with people who are positive. Think big. Emerge positive. Life’s beautiful treasures lies in the simplest things. It takes a good human being with a pure heart, to see the simplicity of life. Good luck

It takes skills and being human to live in the city of my dreams

Whenever you put me down, I will not stay on the ground. I will pick myself from the ground. You come here, scrutinize my home? Scrutinizing my work, where I live, where the whole world wants to live. You know the truth. It’s easy for you to say that this is nothing, but listen honey if you would go through my  journey, trust me, you won’t have the guts that it takes to get through this journey, the humanity. It takes being human to get where I am right now. You think it’s money, I say it’s skills.

Deep inside of you, you know that you could have been here, you know your faith. I have seen it happening. You pushed me, but when my heart is under attack, I have no choice other than keep going forward, because this is my destiny.

I never thought that I could feel this power and I am stronger enough to climb my highest tower. There is literally no turning back when my heart is under attack. No turning back. You were not even worth of everything I would say to you, how blessed I am that I am here in Los Angeles. I am happy and guess what, you’re crumbling already, you just created a huge karma of your own. The truth always will come out. Always. Mark my words, one day you want to say sorry, but it will be so arranged, that you can’t even have access to me. When you realize what you have done and what me and my sister and especially my mother have meant to you , then you will feel your heart aching.

What fear, I have no fear right now, no fear, absolutely fearless. And trust. In time you will see, what your mother has done. You will see it, I think you already have seen it, but all of you have created your karma. I will definitely get what is rightfully mine, my destiny, I will fulfill my destiny. It is time. Don’t you ever dare again to come and belittle me or my sister. When we had kindness to give, you couldn’t see it. You don’t want to see it, you don’t see the blessings, but I do. Let me live my life to the fullest, you coward, you don’t think big, so yes go home, where you belong. I don’t have to justify myself to you, I don’t have to say anything to you, my actions are already speaking. And guess what I just killed you with kindness.