Inhale and exhale, take a deep breath, I choose you God

Good Morning berries,

I feel that I don’t know where I am going and wanted a hug. Just hugging. That’s what I missed. But my old habit would call people, that person, but I have tried it so many times, for 5 years and it never worked. Because that is not in my in my control. I took a deep breath, inhaled and exhaled, I said:

I surrender to you God, I have tried my way, it gave me pain, I will not look at the past, I will just walk your path.

Immediately I got a phone call. It truly is instant. A call to a great social event, with potential give away. That was just really nice. Last year I received a great gift, of going to Las Vegas. I celebrated my birthday there. That was really awesome.

Once I let go, it goes instantly. God is on my side and I choose  God. There is a path for me, I feel the fear and do it anyway. I have come a long way. Truly a long way, I made it so far. The only thing I can do is walk your path God, like a camel, I walk your path.

I miss the hug, yes, I miss the social life, weddings, going to baby showers etc. but I surrender to you, God’s will. You’re the master and if I want to change my faith, I’m questioning what God has written for me. I know God, that you have written my life in the best possible way. I just have to TRUST. There is an absolute huge trust and I just have to trust that it will work out exactly how it’s meant to be for me.

God bless


fine dining, oh the culinary life mmm

Hi sweethearts,

I come from Amsterdam, Europe, born and raised there. And because of my dad’s business and my mom’s culinary appetite, we travelled the world and experienced fine dining.

Now me and my sister are making our own dishes at home. I was looking for fine dining in Los Angeles, but it unfortunately it doesn’t live up to the standard of Europe and Dubai. Los Angeles is superb for business, but lifestyle, home and fine dining, wow, I have to see that yet. However Las Vegas, is the closest, in particular Wynn hotel, now that’s fine dining.

I love it, when I get a starter, a small dish and after 15 minutes, then they give an entrée. Food is not about, filling the hunger, it’s an experience. It’s art on it’s own. I love delicatessen. That’s where I get my joy out. That’s where I experience heaven. Less is more. They give small portions. But small portions, bit by bit, is a lot at the end and that is very fulfilling. I savor each dish, each ingredient.

I’m so grateful that my parents, are gifting us a holiday, where we can experience fine dining on a day to day basis, for three weeks. Oehh, can’t wait. That’s beautiful gift, a reward.

I went from Amsterdam to Los Angeles for my career. But I am absolutely implementing this fine dining. Whether I cook it, or search for it. This is life.

My sister is now preparing a delicious salad and after that I will have vanilla tea, with real vanilla sticks. The country of origin is from Indonesia.

I definitely want to invest in a big, beautiful kitchen. That’s where life begins.

Good night xxx


See the beautiful present

Dare to see the present and you’ll see something beautiful

You’ll see so much love
You’ll see so much flower
You’ll see power in palm of your hands

Dare to see the present, be filled with it, there is something beautiful ahead. Soon you’re able to touch, perhaps you’ve already seen it 🙂
A beautiful young men gave the carrots and said have a great Sunday, thank you ❤

Calmness starts with me

Good Evening dear ones,

Today I woke up 7.00am and left at 8am to go to the farmer’s market, together with my sister. Once I arrived at the farmer’s market, I again felt the urge to rush. My sister, reminded me, to keep calm and calmness starts by adjusting the posture. So suddenly I walked calmly, but surely. Without a rush. It all starts with me.

Unbelievable, but everything became actually very nice at pace, as it should be. I could enjoy this now. I could enjoy the ride. I was able to enjoy. Haha, wow, I was amazed, because I realized it again, that it all starts with myself. I’ve got the power.

I can’t control people reactions, whatever there reaction, I remain calm and explain it calmly. Taking my time. And know where to put my focus. Something happened with my mom’s car, she called me, to ask dad something. They are now in ‘they need their space’, but that is all between them and suddenly I became the middle men. I didn’t want to be and I explained it to both of them, kindly leave me out of this. I mean, I have my own life and I would love to be the messenger, but the reactions, that’s not my issue. They both understood, thankfully 🙂

I could here the music again at farmers market, it was nice. Very nice.

At 12pm I took Zumba class. Very exciting, I loved the music. I became very excited and screamed out of enthusiasm: ‘Yeahh!! Happy Sunday!!’

Joy, excitement, It’s all within me. There is seriously no point of waiting for the occasion to feel excited. Excitement can be created right here and now. I remember now 🙂

I love both of my parents dearly. Everything that happened so far, is a blessing, it was destiny.

Each day counts, make it count. It all is in my hands. At least the reaction is 🙂

Much love, enjoy this lovely Sunday


Amsterdam, nostalgic moments, oh how I miss it sometimes, the rain

I just have to write it in details, because those moments are so dear to me and at the time, I was so done with those moments because it became a routine.

I had a life there, which I have created here in Los Angeles now, in the best possible way. When it was raining, the leaves would get so wet, you see the rain drops dripping from the leaves. It used to rain so much, it was so loud, wow, it was refreshing and had such a family vibe. I would go to my garden, the patio and just look outside. Natures gift.

It’s a different kind of rain. It’s refreshing and you can smell the fresh tree, the fresh sky. I don’t think I ever complained about the rain, I actually loved that aspect, I also think it is very romantic. I miss it so much, or perhaps I’m making it very cool right now, in my head. No, it truly was actually amazing and I am so grateful that I had that experience. Like I said, the country is amazing, Amsterdam is an amazing city. I would go and visit just to experience nature.

Experience cycling in the rain and I would be soaked. And then dinner would be ready. Either my mom cooked or I would order from my dad’s take away business. Indian food mmm.

I can’t believe that now looking back, that those things are the most valuable to me. Today my dad doesn’t have the business anymore, he is working on something else. Times have changed, situation have changed. But my memories are in tact. Like I said, I would just visit for those nostalgic moments. Getting food from the market, cycling in the rain.

There I could relax, but actually I have found myself here and I can look positively to the past. For me it’s imperative to have this balance of work and private life. And I look forward to having a big condo, with a big kitchen and inviting my parents, to have a warm cozy atmosphere here in Los Angeles. I would buy a condo in Santa Monica. That is what I looking forward to. When I come home, I truly come home. I will create that all here, because only here I have my work, my beautiful work, my career. If I had a beautiful opportunity in Amsterdam regarding my career, I would stay there, but as a producer I didn’t. I got the opportunity to go to the entertainment capitol of the world and here I got best of both worlds.

I got a sense of balancing work and private life, because of my upbringing in Amsterdam and my producer’s skills is being reinforced in Los Angeles.

I’ve learned to look at what I have right in front of me, otherwise like what happened in Amsterdam, I would only think about past and future and the present would go right through me. I missed it and I don’t want to miss it again.

Have a good night my loves. Here’s some soothing gentle rain background music:

Good night

Coziness of being at home

Sometimes I miss the Dutch coziness of being at home, or when there is rain, which was quite often in Amsterdam, being at home after doing the groceries. Having a nice hot chocolate. At the time, I didn’t know about corn starch and that dairy nowadays is not good for the skin. Just focusing on having a nice hot chocolate. However I did find a substitute for milk, which is brazil nut milk. And I will get cacao paste from mom, which is from her family’s farm in Suriname. So that’s cool.

Sometimes I miss having authentic Dutch cuisine and going to Amsterdam and wandering around with my parents (they were doing the groceries) and having lunch with them. Again there was rain, sitting in the car, having a long drive, looking outside and me being in the car with my parents and sister. Just looking outside, there is rain and I’m cozy in the car.

Sometimes I miss the restaurants in The Netherlands and Germany, nice amuses, delicatessen, real cuisine art, beautiful dishes and people taking the time to eat. To get the entrée after the starter there was 15 minutes in between, beautiful. That’s also why I’m thin, we have time to digest our food there 😉

So yep, sometimes I miss my Amsterdam and these moments. Which I am slowly but surely creating here in Los Angeles with my sister. Oehh, but I do miss them, there is no place like that.

I take my time

Beautiful things are happening. Again everyday I have to remind myself what my intention is. Very important. I’m learning not to rush myself, even though I want to go with someone and that person in this instance my sister wants to go now, I should have let her. Because I felt rushed. I made myself rush just to go with her. Almost twisting my arm in the process of making it on time.

So I just make my life easier, if I take my time. And if I truly want someone, I should be ready early in case if someone goes out. I’ll be ready to go with them. It makes life easier this way. Being responsible.

Right now I’m sitting at the pool at Loews hotel. Enjoying the nice view. Very beautiful.

My commitment to start the day with what I like first

It is imperative to focus on what’s essential in life. I get caught up into things that are out of my control. What is my intention, what is my goal. There are problems, that need to be solved. Which are often very small and insignificant. It’s all about solving it. What I do is dwelling too much on ‘why this is happening.’ There are so many beautiful things happening in my life which I am very happy about.

I woke up with a mindset of accepting what I can’t change and focus on what is really important in life. Appreciation. I have to train that muscle much more. I do feel very heavy in my energy. Perhaps because I have my periods. But I appreciate the fact that everything in my body is thankfully working well. It tells me what’s healthy, what to eat and what not to eat.

My parents and grandma are coming within a month, from Amsterdam. We’re going to Hawaii and Las Vegas. I truly make it my mission to focus on what’s essential, which is being together. IT’s not about having the perfect ‘holiday’, it’s about enjoying and spending time together. Not rushing. Go with the flow.

Have a beautiful day.

From desperately only wanting to be an actress to fully embracing being both actor and producer, it’s in me, entrepreneurship

I used to be ashamed of basically producing my own content. My country, The Netherlands wasn’t really promoting it. And always made it look like as if I’m thinking too much of outside the box. But coming to America 4.5 years ago, I realized that I’m damn skilled and extremely self sufficient.

I started to have my own creative business already at the age of 8. It was a henna tattoo business, I just love putting henna on hands. I loved being creative and building a business. At the time it wasn’t for money, I traded with marbles, what kids valued at the time.

I also did hand reading. The whole school suddenly knew about it and there would be rows of children, to get their hands read. I was just very curious about these things and read a lot of about hand reading and astrology. Then at high school my creativity started to fade, where I used to dance a lot, write, just being creative, at high school at the age of 12 going to 13, I started to compete suddenly. Initially I wasn’t aware of being smart, until someone pointed out to me. It made me aware. Soon being best in class mattered to me more than having harmony and balance between home and school. Initially school for me was just learning, educating myself. I loved educating myself, it wasn’t attached to numbers. Those six years of my life in high school became about superficial things. Yes I excelled, but too focused on the numbers. I got in the habit of a ‘structure’. Ofcourse I learned a lot, but it could have been more efficient and effective without removing my entrepreneurship. I have it in my blood, my dad is one. I felt my creative part and entrepreneurship wasn’t valued at highschool. It made it look like it didn’t matter in life.

Looking back it was all a blessing in disguise. If it wasn’t for this experience, I would never make the step to go to America and persist to find ways to establish myself here in Los Angeles. Here I’m free. I’m being creative all the time, I run my own company together with my sister and love producing my own content. Here it is normal, it’s called skilled. I’ve learned the in’s and outs. It’s in me, business. Thank God. God Bless 😉


My organic to order sandwich from Mendocino Farms: Study of heat

Good Evening my beautiful friends,

There are some days that I would like to order. Those days are when I order halibut or salmon from whole foods, shrimp biryani from Spice affair and Turkey sandwich called study of heat from Mendocino farms.

I can’t eat the whole sandwich in one day, too much for me, I learned my lesson with that. Half is enough. Very fulfilling. Organic fruits and vegetables with turkey, avocado, Gouda cheese and salad. This Gouda cheese, I can eat, somehow my skin can take it, it’s delicious. But again, everything in moderation. I eat this for either lunch or dinner. For me, half a sandwich for a day is fulfilling and then I eat something else.

I’m finding more and more ways to be fulfilled. Organic and non-gmo.

Enjoy this day, eat in moderation.