feeling frustrated and hungry and distracted all the time

I’m thin, clear skin, all because I’m superbly conscious about food. It’s easier for me to get instant home delivery, but my skin breaks out, because of non organic, vegetable oil and artificial flavors that they put it.

Solution? cooking. But I’m hungry, so I get frustrated. And on top of it, it’s going tooooo slow for me. I want instant success, instant money. I am used to it. I used to get everything quick.

I don’t want be like everybody else, yet I want to be like everybody else. God, I have original content and people who copy are best sellers. I want to throw away my originality, but when I follow someone else, nobody cares, because I’m like everybody else. And when I am original, nobody says anything to me. All those people who are in Amsterdam, are not asking how I am. I am here for 4.5 years in LA and nobody asked me. They come, trash it and than leave. Yes, they got their karma, but anyways, I just don’t know anymore. I actually do know.

I want everything all at once and on earth that’s not possible. I have everything, yet I feel soooo frustrated. Everytime when I acquire something, I feel happy. But it’s just for a moment. It’s a constant moment.

I want to quit life, just quit and do nothing. Which I did. And then I get the stamina to do everything, working towards my mission and then I get distracted all the time. ALL THE TIME. I never had that problem. I’m a straight A student, excellent in maths, I love maths, I was able to focus for hours and hours and hours. I never had this problem. I could even go without food. I had a mission to get my degree, then I did University for one year, completed that. But now, what happened to my laser focus, I am just not able to focus on one thing. I get distracted all the time. What is causing this.

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