Good Evening my sweet baby’s,
I haven’t seen my parents for two years, physically. I’ll meet them tomorrow. Maybe I’m making it too special. I don’t know. Yes I’ve talked over the phone, but that is not the same, trust me. Also that keeps me away from my present moment. I don’t like talking over the phone, that’s something I’m working on. My dad wants to, but sorry I can’t, I blocked him :p I love my dad and he can be really funny and an amazing human being, but he chooses and when he doesn’t chose to have that funny demeanor, well he’s a complaining machine. Talking about paying tax, paying this, paying that. I thought that I was the only one, but my friend from Holland has the same experience with her dad. So it’s okay, I accept.
My mom is a different story, on the phone, it’s hard, 5 minutes is okay, but longer, we get both frustrated on the smallest things. I’ve grown, I don’t mind, but the phone is frustrating machine, it’s just not working for me.
I’m overseas, I feel a huge difference. I was judging myself for actually wanting to live my own life. I am creating on a daily basis, I do what I love, so I am living a different lifestyle. I love my present, I love Los Angeles.
They are coming tomorrow, together with my grandma. Within two years I’ve grown significantly. I don’t know what my equation with them will be. I seriously don’t know. I hope my mom will let me be as I am. But I’ve realized I have to accept them both as they are and give my love to them. They have given me a lot, I’m very blessed with my parents. But I have to be honest, there is a distance. But that’s okay, I don’t feel. I don’t even feel in my art, when I act, I don’t feel. The only time I feel is when I listen to music or when I dance, other than that, there are glimpse of moments when I truly feel, that’s it.
I don’t know what to expect, all I know is that both of my parents have given me the world, we are going to have a holiday, recharge for three weeks, going to Hawaii and Las Vegas.
They haven’t seen the apartment I’m in, that will be a cute surprise. It is a very cozy, beautiful sweet apartment. I am happy with this apartment, there is a lot of harmony in this apartment. ❤
All I can do is give love, have an understanding and accept them as they are. I know that I have grown and have become myself, like I used to be when I was around 9. Creating, loving, focusing on myself. I hope I can accept what I cannot change and give love, unconditionally.
I seriously don’t know what to expect. Little bit scared, but it’s okay. We’ll see how it goes, this is life 😉
I live my life regardless of the result, with or without, I can only do my best. Live life, experience it. Listen and observe 🙂