When I think ‘oh what do I have to lose, why not?’, I’ve got EVERYTHING to lose.

Hi sweethearts,

God, what a day. When I didn’t have my production company and no financial income, I use to do audience work in the beginning to generate income. In the beginning I met friends, I learned a lot, it was a lot of fun. With every beginning there comes an end. 5 months ago, due to injustice, I stood up for myself, that door had been closed.

However today when I got the offer to do it, I thought well why not? I am going on a holiday next week, it would be nice to have some extra cash. Well people, I mean I thought I had nothing to lose, I have time, why not right?

I was WRONG and every time when that thought crosses ‘What do I have to lose’, I eventually have EVERYTHING to lose.

That experience was horrific, like Auschwitz, I haven’t experienced this on such a high level with this work before. It was extremely cold and the staff were so stressed, pushing, screaming, I wasn’t allowed to go outside. I went to the back, to go up, and there were bars, I mean hello, it looked like jail, it felt like jail, in my mind it was jail. This is definitely not what I expected and this was not my intention.

When God closes a door, God closes it for a reason. Because this work stops my productivity. There is a life out there beyond this and the way I have been treated, I will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER do this work again. I DESERVE to go HIGHER IN LIFE. I have done it in the beginning, it didn’t bother me, since I didn’t know better, but now I do have a full running business. And I have to trust that it will flourish in time, step by step.

This valuable time can be used for my dream, my mission, not for something I am not passionate about. I could have stood up for myself and tell the staff that I am extremely disappointed and will never come back, but I didn’t. I was judging myself, by not doing so.

But intuitively I know, that they didn’t do it on purpose, it was the nature of this and it was a lesson to be learned for me, to NEVER walk this path again. It’s like, I have to work for my passion, to not touch the ground and just go higher in life.

I have a commitment with God first and by doing this again, I am neglecting God in this way. This doesn’t fit me anymore. Apparently there are so many things for me, that I obviously cannot see, but I have to TRUST that it will happen, something BIG is about to happen for me, I just have to TRUST, I just have TRUST completely.

It seems so easy, I can slip in so easy, I can get persuaded so easily, but God closed it for a reason, and I’m trying to change it and not trusting God for his decision. Today I found out. It was like death, cold was getting to me. But now fresh chilliness, this was artificial horrible torture chills.

I have a life, where everyday I can work towards my dreams. I mean I am living the dream, I truly am, the fact that I can do what I want to do on a day to day basis, is living the dream. If this was my last day, I would completely focus on my production company and after this experience there is NO TURNING BACK.

Because certain environments and jobs make me fearful, gives me anxiety, doesn’t make me composed at all.

I haven’t hiked for a while and I always said, that whenever I have accomplished what I wanted, or am the producer, I will hike regularly. When I wasn’t a producer, I hiked, when I didn’t have anything I hiked, so why not. The doors are open again, I focus on my health, which is wealth. I choose God, I choose to Trust you God. I don’t see it, you are seeing it.

This precious time, I could have invested in my dream. This stopped my productivity, NEVER AGAIN.

I’m done. Period. Only higher, I deserve it, I see that now, I am a kind, grateful human being, thank you God for giving me this insight. Thank you, God Bless. See the bigger picture.

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