love makes life beautiful

At all times, love is important and is the root of all solutions. Do everything with love. With sweetness. No matter how long it takes. With love and dedication I found my ways. I will find everything.

When I was 18, I studied International Business at Maastricht University. It was a beautiful year, I met so many grounded guys. Sweet, caring. the surroundings was beautiful. Europe is a very romantic place, I must say. USA is a place to develop my career and Europe is about a romance, enchantment. I’m glad I have experienced both. It makes life fulfilling. I know what I want 🙂

I love romance, beautiful nature, poetry, the simple things in life. Cycling, picnicking.

Good night, sweet dreams, much love ❤


I don’t know where to put my anchor

When it’s cold, I’m blocked. A house is about being warm. I turned the heater on. I just had to, it was too cold. I know that I have to keep this apartment a bit cold, because of the circumstance, but I can’t do anything if I’m cold.

I don’t know where to put my anchor. My roots was Amsterdam. My house. I chose for this. What if I find something nice in January and I just have to go through this for a while.

There is one thing I cannot stand, which is the cold. I don’t know how I survived in Amsterdam, but I am warm, I’m fine. I can handle this.

God give me strength and the wisdom to make wise decisions. I don’t know 😦  It’s Sunday, there is a Christmas parade. I’m here in my apartment. I hope it all works out. I hope I find a nice place with my sister, where I feel at home again. For now I’m letting it go.


It’s decided, full speed ahead with my purpose

What is my purpose in life? To contribute to society by making films. That is my sole purpose. I don’t want to move out. I know it’s dangerous and I also know that my dream told me I will shoot in danger. Meaning being in this apartment while I’m shooting. The film is saving me. There is mold behind the walls, but that was already there. The kitchen walls is with water, because of the leakage. I have searched for apartments, but no apartment is giving me perspective and the ones that I want, there is a huge waitlist. There is so much more that I can do and get everything out of this profession, so many things that I can achieve. So many possibilities. Yes, it’s a bit uncomfortable, but I’m okay with that. And I know in time, I’ll find something.

I look at what I can do, not at what my circumstances is. And actually my circumstances are amazing, I’m grateful that my parents are supporting me, investing in our dream, purpose. Because I know the reality. No one makes money out of this profession, not to make a living, just to make a name. Everybody has a side business, they have their own restaurant, own make up line.

I am an entrepreneur and with that I have to take risks, calculated of course, but taking risks is inevitable. It’s my destiny. Everybody in Holland wants to be in Los Angeles now, they want to try their luck out. They want it as well. Leaving their ‘comfortable life style’. A lot of people of who we know, want to meet us, people out of no where wants to meet and they did, just to get information. Where I thought they wanted to hang out with me. It’s okay, because it’s the same thing, if you don’t have a purpose. I have a purpose and I can realize it here. Nothing can stop me, its up to me. I trust God, I trust him, I continue and follow the path that God has for me.

Having a ‘secure’ job, or getting a business up and running in Amsterdam, is the same hustle like here. It’s all the same. Here it’s a bit different, you fall and get up again, people encourage you. 🙂  I love working for my own production company, I love making films, I cry when I see great artist performing on stage or screen, I want that too. Why should I settle? NO! I trust God’s timing. He has a set time.

I can always be ‘comfortable’, go back home. But I haven’t even tried to do all the things I want to do. There is so much more that I can still do. I will do it.

I have gotten ‘rest’ in Amsterdam, The Netherlands for 22 years, I know what that was like, I had my beautiful apartment, but regarding my dream it was limited. Following my purpose, has brought me here. I wanted this so much. If GOD has my back, then what is standing my way? Exactly nothing. It’s too late to go home, I’ve come too far to just turn my back. I’m going all the way, All IN!

Where are the gentlemen?

Good Morning my berries,

Life is truly what we make of it. I believe in possibilities and making opportunities. The moment I came to Hollywood, Los Angeles, I realized that I need to find an opportunity, make it. I immediately enrolled in a film event, talked to agents. I didn’t want to waste any time, I left my home in Amsterdam, to build a career in Los Angeles. I realized that there was no shortcut.

I had to take on any part that came my way. I had my Bollywood dancing skills, I learned a lot from playing an extra.

I am living here for 5 years and since two years, I feel that Los Angeles is my home. People are nice here. 4 guys have rejected the script, a beautiful script, we have shot most of it. Initially I was frustrated, didn’t like guys, how dare they reject my sister’s script. She is amazingly talented, award winning director, just because it’s not an action film? oh I’m sorry to make a film which is genuine, real.

But you know, everything happens for a reason. There is a reason why these guys are not part of this project. Because we are promoting an illusion. In reality I’m not meeting a guy who is a gentleman, who brings spark in my life. Yet we wanted to implement this in the film. We want realism, but this is not realistic. We have to tell the truth. This character is finding happiness on her own. Regardless of her circumstances. A guy or no guy? That is the question.

I know that chivalry is not dead. I was in Maastricht, The Netherlands, I studied there for a year and encountered a lot of Germany guys. They were very kind and such a gentleman.

To be continued…

I thank God for my destiny, for this life

After I accepted reality, almost 2.5 years ago, I realize how rich I am. Rich in love. I always wanted ‘the guy’ and my sister was longing for my attention. She was truly and thankfully is still very happy being with me. God has saved me from a lot of pain which I couldn’t handle. The path that I wanted to choose would be death for me, spiritually, mentally, physically. I thank God that I got the clarity to see, I accepted my destiny and I thank God that I can live my dream together with my sister.

We work together as a team. We complement each other. I have a sister and I don’t dare to neglect that. I appreciate her and don’t take her for granted. I did for the longest time. Then someone entered in my life and did the same thing to me. I understood. My relationship with my sister has become stronger and stronger in 2.5 years. I am grateful for that.

We give to each other. I have a wonderful mom and a loving dad. I appreciate them.

Because all the money in the world cannot buy this life of what I have. Both parents and a sister ❤ . No guy in the world can replace this bond that I have with my family. They mean the world to me and I have realized that luckily, by having my heart broken and failing in the past. Failing forward.

Thank you God, Thank you for everything you have given me. God bless.

YES! JK Rowling is back! Truly inspired

In the middle of shooting our short film and the leakage and mold issue, supposedly danger zone in our apartment, I truly needed a time out, to think about something else, live. Me and my sister went to ‘Fantastic Beasts and where to find them’ on Friday at the Grove.

Amazing! It was absolutely magical, JK is back. I got extremely inspired, I truly want this. This is what I want. People were cheering, they loved to see the film, we were all anticipating on it, we were all excited, the whole audience started to cheer when it started. I’m so excited and happy, it’s back!

Nothing can stop me from making this film. No leakage, no mold, whatever it is, we can handle it. It’s all for the sake of our short film.

This is destiny. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, it’s designed, it’s all setup. This had to happen. The leakage blocked us of using the kitchen, which we wanted for our scene. Then we started looking for a new apartment, but I am here to shoot, not to search for apartments. After a week of hunting and applying, I decided to go back to shooting the film, with or without, make the most out of it. No kitchen, it’s okay, let’s use what we have. And we transformed the living room in such a way, that we got the scene, beyond our imagination.

No circumstance can stop me from following my dream. I keep going, I have perspective with or without. It’s possible. Just start the music and creativity starts to flow. Live life. ❤

See the blessing

Even though with this current circumstance, I am blessed, I have loving parents, mom and a dad and a lovely sister. And I have my purpose my passion, my dream. My health. I have got the most important things in life.

Thank you God for granting me the most valuable things in life, I am rich in love. I will do my best every day. That’s all I can do for now.

Life is pushing, putting me down, but it’s about getting up again over and over and over.

God knows best, I surrender

It’s not about me. I know a lot, but I don’t know everything. We are sponsored, finally we got what we wanted and life happens. Health is important, health is wealth. I trust God, I trust in what he is doing, he knows best. I can do my best and surrender to God’s will.

I trust God, I surrender, you know what you’re doing.

The only thing I can do right now is do my best

When you are being pushed so much to the edge, the only thing you can do is JUMP. It’s third time in a row that I am in a situation where there is no where to go, other than to JUMP. My short film is keeping me going. Again there is mold and toxic in my apartment, manager is being difficult about relocating us to a closer unit, before breaking the walls and repairing.  It’s a very simple task, but some people love to irritate, since that is the highlight of that person. It has made it very uncomfortable for me and my sister, since we are in the middle of shooting our short film.

Our apartment, which is a studio apartment, is our location of the film, the kitchen would be part of the film, but unfortunately, we cannot enter it, because of the toxic smell that came from a leakage.

There are so many solutions, it’s very simple, but we are being pushed to the edge. However, I am a fighter, I like to come up with solutions and truly want to make this film happen. Nothing can stand in the way. I am living proof, since I am still in this apartment, doing our very best to do what is RIGHT. I am not going to do an apartment hunt, right now because that is not why I came here for from Amsterdam to Los Angeles. I’ve tried, believe me, yesterday and today I’ve tried to find another apartment, but it’s killing my spirit. I go the extra mile for my short film, but just to find another apartment again, it has to be a good one, and regarding the price, all I’m seeing is $2000, per month brand new ones. Which at the moment, is a bit on a  higher end now. Since I am investing in my films.

I’ve lived beautifully and comfortably in Amsterdam for 22 years. And I am not saying that I am settling for less, by all means, I am not, I would love to have peace and live in an environment where the air is breathable. But in time I will find it.

God is protecting me and my sister. We have opened the window, so the good air is coming our apartment and we have sealed the kitchen.

I have experienced beautiful things in my life and when I had it I didn’t appreciate it. Circumstances is not an excuse to not fulfill a purpose. I can’t say: ‘Let me wait, till the storm has cleared.’ The storm will not go away, until I work for what I want. I have to work what I want and not for what I don’t want.

God is trying to tell me something, I am listening and I am making this movie, to the best of my capacity. Only time will tell.

But I will do what I can.