Jumping in the unknown, there lies something great

Pleased to right that I have made my decision. I was trapped in my thoughts, as always during this period of time. Mourning about my unrequited love, love that couldn’t happen, but quite frankly I know how it will end. That love is known. This path is not. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, which is exciting actually.

It’s better to go to the unknown. For my soul it is. I don’t like routine anyway. My soul wants to grow. And oh before I forget, I’m not doing this for me. That is the key lesson I had forgotten. I’m not here for me. I’m representing a group, a nation, an entire civilization who needs perspective in life, who needs to see the beauty in life. I can bring it to them, only if I follow God’s path.

I have stopped resisting, 2 years ago and I have seen beautiful things happening to me and around me. It’s okay. I want to see great things, I want to do great things, lead by example, more importantly give people joy, everyone I can.

Broaden my horizon. Free myself from what the system wants, but going for what God wants. It can, it shall, it will be.




The coin has flipped, because I understood my holding power, which is my blood

I’ve been here for a long time, 5 years living in Los Angeles. Before it became a hype in my country, I moved from Amsterdam to Los Angeles. Before the trend, I took the step to start all over again. Nepotism existed in Bollywood, but not in Hollywood. Because truly here, you can rise from the ground. This country gives me an opportunity.

However, I did came at the right time, right place, right moment. This country, in 2012, was financially broke, homeless everywhere, for me, with my euros, everything was cheap. They needed me. Los Angeles had no choice. Diversity was embraced, people wanted to see something different. They were done with the old, in with the new.

Naturally, times have changed. I don’t see homeless people where I used to see it, the dollar has become strong. Ethically or unethically, I leave that up to the universe, but I do know that this country, this city has given me love, so much love, that I wanted to give. It taught me how to give and how to love myself.

Dreams can turn into reality, USA has everything, but I could take it all in and grasp it, with all the nuances of my life and my character. I didn’t mind starting from zero, I love it, I persevered.

But I’m not alone and that might be my biggest holding power. I have a sister. And my dad’s sister and brother used to live here, they passed away…But there children live here, their in Chicaco, San fransisco, Simmy Valley. Although I might not be close to them, but I feel that this is my land too, I belong here. It feels right.


Step by step, I realized what life is all about. I’m here for myself.

Hi flowers,

By the end of 2014, beginning 2015, I made a commitment to God and myself, that I will work on myself. I’ll play with the cards that are presented to me. Some card I had to create myself. Some I thought I could create, but when things are connected to human beings, that I cannot control, I learned to surrender to that, by removing my ego.

It all started by removing the ego and accepting at that time that I couldn’t get everything I wanted exactly the way I want. I learned that God knows better and will give me the best, far better that I could ever imagine.

I looked up to my sister for getting the lead, commercials and agent after graduation. I envied her and it went into jealousy. It was tearing me apart. So I also surrendered and knew that I can’t copy her or think about her in that way.

I had to shift focus. Stop my old habits.

Now two years later, my sister said that I had star quality. I’m now on a billboard. I’m there for her, I look up to her. I had to learn my own way into breaking the ceiling. Ironically at the time when I got those commercials, I let go and focused on my production, it wasn’t a deal breaker for me anymore.

I lived my life and did my thing. I love to have star quality, everyone looked up to me when I was young and still people do. I just didn’t see it, but when I looked back, they all did and still do.

I just takes one person to say something beautiful and soon it will catch on.

But honestly the core of life is being in harmony with yourself.

It is perception. But I made it reality. living the American dream, made it reality. But God helped me, because I surrendered.

I hang out with my sister, eat ice cream, watch movies, laugh, cook, celebrate life. Along the way we make films, but it’s all okay.

Step by step, I realized what life is all about. I’m here for myself.

I have learned to trust my intuition above everything else

Yes, I have great parents, financial support, mental support, I have everything going for me, yet 2.5 years ago, I wasn’t at a happy place. On the contrary, my mom, didn’t have a loving family when she was young, was abused, and also was mentally not at a happy place. Hmmm, it looks like that circumstance, parenting, outside forces can have a major impact on someone’s life, yet, it still depends on the individual what that person is going to do with that life.

Someone can have everything or someone can have absolutely nothing, but that is all relative and subjective. question it. What does it mean. To rise above the circumstance, depends on the mindset.

This I know for sure, because what my mom has been through, is not a fairytale story, far from that, but she still saw perspective. She passed it on to me and my sister, perspective.

2.5 years ago, I finally took responsibility of my own actions.

#13reasonswhy I saw the series. It started out strong, suspenseful, after watching it, I felt sad. As if this life is a lie. But that’s not true, life is beautiful, it can be. It’s perception over reality. The last thing that happened to her, is beyond human, it’s animal behavior, I can’t even talk about it. Just, that I am grateful for this life.

It about the story, that’s where I find something disturbing. There were so many occasions to say something to her parents. Perhaps their parents was going through something, but it seemed as if they had a pretty stable relationship, between mother and daughter. Friends, is relative, that word is taken loosely, how much we have tried, if someone cannot understand a beautiful pure relationship, then clearly that person is not worth of the friendship.

Horrible things happen to girls in India. Here in the Western society, education is accessible. It is important to question everything. Most importantly trust your instincts. If the instinct is saying no, then don’t do it, period, no matter what people say.

There are sharks, in some places more than others, if that person is aware of it, don’t proceed, unless there is a dead wish. There is no judgement, but this strong girl in the series, seemed that she was mentally strong and that moment when she was about to enter the party, knowing what happened the day before, her intuition telling her don’t go, it’s not believable, that this character would jump to the lions.

There is an indian film called 3 idiots, and 1 guy ended his life, pure out of mental pressure, poor family, low grades. I am not questioning the issue, whether someone ends his life, over something graphic or grades, that is not the point, the result for them was the same, but it’s about mental pressure.

Mental pressure, that has to be taken care of. Usually it has to do with what people think. How people perceive that person.

Reading books, educating thy selves, questioning the system we live in, gives an understanding of how people think and what they are capable of. That can be a preparation to life. And then regardless of that, by hanging out with wrong people, knowing that they are hurting, that is a choice. It’s still choice, whatever happens after that…again it’s like, still going into the water, knowing that particular place have sharks.

Survival instincts, some have it stronger than others. Some people can still survive, some people are mentally weak, but it can be trained.

Think as individuals, trust the instinct. I have learned it, in my own way, to trust my own instinct, I’m grateful I did, because now I am living a happy life. Thank God I did. No one could get me to this final realization, that truly we can make our own heaven or own misfortune.

Giving chances, if the intuition is saying something, listen, regardless of what people say. Listen to it.

Whoever is going through something, emotionally or mentally, trust your instinct and ask ‘What do I want eventually’? My answer was peace. Which I have right now.

I went to church, wanted to get closer to myself, prayed, meditated, did yoga, worked out, pursued my dream.

2.5 years later, now, I’m on a billboard, inspiring so many people, people who I know have changed there lives, have gotten perspective. I persevered, I pushed. I did go against my intuition, it could have gone wrong, it did go wrong. But I thank God that it wasn’t too late. It’s never too late. There is always light at the end of the day, just remember to turn it on.


I can count all the fishes in the sea. I can count all the stars in the universe, but I cannot count the blessings that God has given me.

The amount of knowledge I have been given by God, is unprecedented. I can count all the fishes in the sea. I can count all the stars in the universe, but I cannot count the blessings that God has given me.

You see where I can’t. You know more, I am just a human being, trying to be extraordinary. But I can’t only by your will. I do what I can do, but I surrender when I need to.

I am what I am, because you have given me this knowledge, this life, this body, this face. I am a soul, living this life. It is remarkable. Life can be remarkable, thank you for this experience.

Truly humbled, thank you God, in you I trust.

If there is something that I want in life, I have to create it myself, initiate things myself. Start myself.

It’s very important to make things simple. It’s similar to maths, the formula has to be simplified in order to get to the solution. That is the key to capture the essence of life. Love in essence is simple. Life, in essence is simple.

Now, to be honest, for a couple of weeks, I was in a low state of mind. Falling again into my habit of becoming result oriented. Waiting for the result. The short film that we made with a lot of dedication was submitted to Cannes film festival. I received the e-mail, trusting my vision, that it would be a yes. Reading the result: ‘I regret to inform that your film has not been selected.’

Do I doubt the artistic level of my film, because of this result? Honestly, I don’t. Do I need this accreditation? It would be wonderful, it would make my work certified in the eyes of the industry. But deep down I know, that the public wants to see the film, because they simply like the story, the characters, the audience looks beyond accreditation.

The title, the certification does matter to me, still matters to me. Thus, I was sitting for days, not doing anything, my work was not recognized, what’s the point of continuing….

Then I realized something: If I don’t do anything, nothing will happen. I dance, I celebrate with or without. That is what I have learned at my previous apartment, when I didn’t have the luxury, where I tasted the ground. Where I was concerned if I could pay rent or not, those times taught me, forget about a title, as long as I can live, travel, I can buy quality food, I am in harmony with myself, with my family, that is the biggest rewards. Awards are awesome, but for a moment. Rewards in life, is truly for a life time. That is essentially what matters the most. I forgot. I had forgotten that rule of life.

Now I live in a luxurious environment again, I don’t have to worry financially, I’ve got my basic needs covered. Most importantly I can start again. I will do it my way. At least I’m doing something, that is what matters.

Sitting around and waiting for things to happen, what was I thinking. I started to work again and found out that I was on a billboard in India, a country where people watch films over and over again. Someone captured it and people watched it. Amazing. I was stunned. I’m on a billboard, I always wanted that. From not a regular ad, but from a world famous company. Wow.

I realized something. Here I was in Los Angeles, sitting that I didn’t have any influence, is this going somewhere, meanwhile I’m on billboards in India, everywhere. Contributing to a social cause.

The coin has already flipped and I didn’t even know it.

This film is not for critics, it’s for the people. I make films for people. Film festivals is a tool to get me to people. Again, it is just a tool, a title is a tool, to get me to people. There are more ways that lead to Rome.

Every action I take, results into something. However if I don’t do anything, give up, then that will be my future, nothing. I felt lost, but I didn’t lose.

Sometimes in life I have to lose in order to win. Lose the battle and win the war. I have been trying to be selected for Palm d’ore for three years. But last year I also didn’t get in, but I attended a free workshop where I received valuable information regarding the film industry. This information, I know for a fact, I would get it if I was selected and if I was in Cannes. The information I received, turned tables around, in my favor. Yes, perhaps not in the industry’s eye, but in people’s eye, I’m shifting something. When they see me on a billboard, they feel that they can do it to. That’s all I ever wanted. To be recognized. I think I am. Just reflecting upon my current state, I am definitely where I want to be.

Yes, this is just the beginning, I’m still not fully on my feet, not 100 %, but definitely 70%. That is a lot. Because 2.5 years ago, I was at 0%.

The story of zero to hero has always appealed to me. I wasn’t a winner when I started, I made myself a winner, I asked, I observed, I listened, trying to get in the system, then beating it, coming out of it. In order to break the rules, I had to master it. Which I did together with my sister.

This is valuable knowledge, it is simple, but quickly taken for granted. If there is something that I want in life, I have to create it myself, initiate things myself. Start myself. Put it out there, regardless of the outcome, it’s the input that counts, for love. It’s like love, it’s unconditional, without expecting anything in return, just giving. Give and one day it will be received. 

Perhaps the person who is selected needed the selection more than me. Only God knows. I recognize that I’m blessed and will not question God’s decision. He truly knows what’s right for me. But that doesn’t mean that I should stop, that is not what God’s intention is. I will continue, I will do it, I have to.

My mission is not complete, it has just started.

Finally ambition is credited as being cool, contributing is on the map

I was 13 years, this was 14 years ago, where ‘women/girls’ magazines was full of ‘how to win over a guy, how to have orgasms, how to have great sex, how to go out.’

I was crying, because I genuinely didn’t like to go out, I didn’t want to serve men and be great in bed for them. I wanted to have my own business, I wanted to contribute and empower myself, grow. this was not on the map and not being addressed.

I saw my dad doing business, traveling around, we went on business trips, I was in his office, I loved the business aspect. I also loved working out, dancing, painting myself, my body. I loved being in great shape, because when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to look fit, this was all for myself. Because I embrace being healthy. Health is wealth.

I was being questioned, basically being questioned for my ambition. by the outside world. but my parents, both my mom and dad happened to be super ambitious, I got it from them, whatever they did, they stood out. They stepped out of the crowd and were and still are successful. I looked up to them and here I am, doing the same thing. Against all odds, I went from Amsterdam to Los Angeles.

A long time ago, Paris Hilton was advocating clubs, going out, partying, she played dumb. I’m not judging her, but ironically she was studious, studied at Harvard, is an entrepreneur, she is not playing around, although she came across like that. Everybody in my country did that, just going out, ohh it was considered as ‘cool’. I didn’t like it and questioned myself, ‘am I normal’?  But luckily I still went with my intuition and found out that they were all doing it to be ‘popular’ because a normal, studious, ambitious girl wasn’t interesting to sell, at least that what’s the pr people thought. It’s different now.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT AMBITION IS ON THE MAP, FINALLY IT’S ALL OVER THE PLACE, IN MAGAZINES, ESPECIALLY WOMEN’S MAGAZINES. FINALLY. Because there are girls, who are ambitious and that was NEVER covered. It always seemed that ‘girls’ where partying, or just being ‘beautiful’. Come one, we are more than that, I knew it 14 years ago, I said it to everyone. And you know what GUYS LOVED MY AMBITION. GUYS loved it. Their magazines was full of empowering themselves, being healthy, working on themselves. It wasn’t the guys, women put these thoughts in magazines, so they can sell insecurity. Because actually we are all great. But that doesn’t sell, right, now it does.

I was always amazed how many guys came up to me and loved my work ethic, they found it very attractive, I wasn’t aware of it. And women, they never expressed it to me. Only guys did. I got a long with guys a lot.

After high school I met many girls who were like minded and now I have female friends too, a lot of them, also ambitious, who give and appreciates each other’s work.

There is enough space for all of us, if we all work together and contribute , we all make the world a better place. We’re human, we are connected. If we empower each other, we empower the universe. It’s OUR world, it’s not for ‘me’ it’s for us. I’m happy, so I can give and share my happiness and enlighten others and those people can do the same.

GIVE and automatically I shall receive. That is the law.

Much love


Swimming refreshes my perspective

I took a nice swim after I woke up. Looked at the palm trees and practiced being grateful. This is the day I have. It was a quick exercise, so I wouldn’t be in my head and would open up my mind. Exercise releases endorphins, which makes me happy and alive.

For weeks I looked a the pool and I thought, I’ll do it tomorrow, weeks went by. I have it now and this time I didn’t hesitate. After brushing my teeth, I went straight to the pool. The sun was shining on it. It was heated, it was delightful.

I love swimming, it reminds me of being on a holiday. Swimming, especially outside with palm trees around the pool, refreshes my perspective.

Also the thoughtful design of the swimming pool, makes it one of the best experience to have in the morning.

It gives a sense of traveling, on the go.