If there is something that I want in life, I have to create it myself, initiate things myself. Start myself.

It’s very important to make things simple. It’s similar to maths, the formula has to be simplified in order to get to the solution. That is the key to capture the essence of life. Love in essence is simple. Life, in essence is simple.

Now, to be honest, for a couple of weeks, I was in a low state of mind. Falling again into my habit of becoming result oriented. Waiting for the result. The short film that we made with a lot of dedication was submitted to Cannes film festival. I received the e-mail, trusting my vision, that it would be a yes. Reading the result: ‘I regret to inform that your film has not been selected.’

Do I doubt the artistic level of my film, because of this result? Honestly, I don’t. Do I need this accreditation? It would be wonderful, it would make my work certified in the eyes of the industry. But deep down I know, that the public wants to see the film, because they simply like the story, the characters, the audience looks beyond accreditation.

The title, the certification does matter to me, still matters to me. Thus, I was sitting for days, not doing anything, my work was not recognized, what’s the point of continuing….

Then I realized something: If I don’t do anything, nothing will happen. I dance, I celebrate with or without. That is what I have learned at my previous apartment, when I didn’t have the luxury, where I tasted the ground. Where I was concerned if I could pay rent or not, those times taught me, forget about a title, as long as I can live, travel, I can buy quality food, I am in harmony with myself, with my family, that is the biggest rewards. Awards are awesome, but for a moment. Rewards in life, is truly for a life time. That is essentially what matters the most. I forgot. I had forgotten that rule of life.

Now I live in a luxurious environment again, I don’t have to worry financially, I’ve got my basic needs covered. Most importantly I can start again. I will do it my way. At least I’m doing something, that is what matters.

Sitting around and waiting for things to happen, what was I thinking. I started to work again and found out that I was on a billboard in India, a country where people watch films over and over again. Someone captured it and people watched it. Amazing. I was stunned. I’m on a billboard, I always wanted that. From not a regular ad, but from a world famous company. Wow.

I realized something. Here I was in Los Angeles, sitting that I didn’t have any influence, is this going somewhere, meanwhile I’m on billboards in India, everywhere. Contributing to a social cause.

The coin has already flipped and I didn’t even know it.

This film is not for critics, it’s for the people. I make films for people. Film festivals is a tool to get me to people. Again, it is just a tool, a title is a tool, to get me to people. There are more ways that lead to Rome.

Every action I take, results into something. However if I don’t do anything, give up, then that will be my future, nothing. I felt lost, but I didn’t lose.

Sometimes in life I have to lose in order to win. Lose the battle and win the war. I have been trying to be selected for Palm d’ore for three years. But last year I also didn’t get in, but I attended a free workshop where I received valuable information regarding the film industry. This information, I know for a fact, I would get it if I was selected and if I was in Cannes. The information I received, turned tables around, in my favor. Yes, perhaps not in the industry’s eye, but in people’s eye, I’m shifting something. When they see me on a billboard, they feel that they can do it to. That’s all I ever wanted. To be recognized. I think I am. Just reflecting upon my current state, I am definitely where I want to be.

Yes, this is just the beginning, I’m still not fully on my feet, not 100 %, but definitely 70%. That is a lot. Because 2.5 years ago, I was at 0%.

The story of zero to hero has always appealed to me. I wasn’t a winner when I started, I made myself a winner, I asked, I observed, I listened, trying to get in the system, then beating it, coming out of it. In order to break the rules, I had to master it. Which I did together with my sister.

This is valuable knowledge, it is simple, but quickly taken for granted. If there is something that I want in life, I have to create it myself, initiate things myself. Start myself. Put it out there, regardless of the outcome, it’s the input that counts, for love. It’s like love, it’s unconditional, without expecting anything in return, just giving. Give and one day it will be received. 

Perhaps the person who is selected needed the selection more than me. Only God knows. I recognize that I’m blessed and will not question God’s decision. He truly knows what’s right for me. But that doesn’t mean that I should stop, that is not what God’s intention is. I will continue, I will do it, I have to.

My mission is not complete, it has just started.


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