My brain was finally relaxing, because my body was at work.

Hi Beautiful birds,

I went to hot power yoga at 7pm, arrived at home 8.30pm, took a nice shower and I ate my dinner, which was prepared by my sister. Very delicious.

During class there were lots of thoughts coming my way, but because it can be intense, finally my thoughts were in the background, I became more present. It really is challenging. And it’s comfortable to stay at home, but I feel so much better now. I feel that I’m truly giving to my body what it needs. I’m exercising, stretching. I can analyze a lot and it’s great to take a break from that. It really is. I truly love working out. However, because I tend to analyze a lot, I don’t go. I give in to my feeling.

My feelings are saying no, I can skip, this day. But I kept skipping and just staying at home, I knew I was doing injustice to my body. More importantly to my brain. My brain was finally relaxing, because my body was at work. I love moving my body, working out.

For so long I haven’t done an intense work out, I’m glad I did. I always get this great feeling afterwards. It’s part of it. I just do it.

Thank God I did.

Much love, good night!

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I must accept and roll with what I have. 

It’s the era of truth. things are being exposed and truly nothing is what it seems. Magazines, social media it all can make people’s life look sooooo perfect. But in reality they are far from perfect. I can’t let it get to me again. I’ve lost a lot, regained it again. I can’t go through that cycle again.

If it doesn’t happen in this lifetime, then I’ll try and make it happen in my next life time.

These are the thoughts that come to me when I read things about people who so called have already made it, or magazines, mostly european ones, who makes me cry:

“I’m not going to give myself pressure, why things are not working out the way I want to, with the knowledge that I have, I just sometimes feel that I want more. I can get more. Chanel bags, designer bags,  clothes. I’ve put everything in my art. Even though I know that a lot of designer fabrics are the same as regular ones, most of the time the fabric is polyester, which irritates my skin, but I just want to wear nice fashion. I want to dress up, feel good, pamper myself. 

I want my career to fly off. I have to be honest, I want to look like I’m it, I’m the one, I have everything, the looks the beauty, that people talk about how beautiful I am, how great I am. That’s the honest truth right now. I can philosphy about that this is a path and I’ll get there, but when, I want everything now. I want to be fashionable. And you know why? Because people care about that more. the magazines, tv, they all show that.  I think if I had everything what I wanted and i would have millions on the bank, I’ve achieved it myself and could go on a luxury holiday, I wouldn’t look at other people and envy those people who are having a platform.

And even though I know the truth of their financial situation, they still are in magazines. Perhaps they need it the most. What would make me feel harmonious is if I would have the love of my life. I know that I am the one who makes me feel complete, but just knowing that someone is there for me, looking out for me. i know my parents are, my dad is, but oef, those European magazines makes me want to consume more, have more.

Yes the whole shebang got out with Weinstein, it’s clearly not what it seems, but there must be a way to become a millionaire again. I was that, now I want it again.”

I just had a moment —

Realizing what I just wrote—

I must accept and roll with what I have. And if I become envious of something, that doesn’t matter, I’m going to roll with what I have. It’s done.

Tomorrow I’m going to take a yoga  class and relax. Take a deep breath and, inhale and exhale. I’m lucky with what I have, I am slowly realizing it. I already have it inside of me. I know I have.

This journey awakened me, I only live once, I’ve come so far, let’s finish it!

Throughout this journey I realized that family, parents is the ultimate power, with family, my mom, dad and sister, I can do everything, anything, because I have warmth with me.

IT if it wasn’t for this journey I would never have known this. To make the most out of everything, I do that myself, I push happiness, I push laughter, that’s how I do it now, what I’ve learned from this country, to have a smile, enjoy each moments, also enjoy tranquil moments!

What kills me makes me feel alive, it did, departing from someone I loved, that killed me but it made me feel alive, I’m AWAKE! I can do this, if I can live through that, I can DO this!

I only live once, I’ve come so far, let’s finish it!

 

Let’s go to the unknown, excitedly

I had a nice hike at Runyon, woke up at 8 am. Hiked, hopped in the shower and ate a nice tuna salad. I’m grateful and blessed with my life. I mean it, ever since I realized how much I appreciate when there is harmony within the family. Between my parents. That’s what I appreciate the most. It makes everything else so easy. I’m fine with God’s timing. I do my best, I take my steps.

I’ve also realized how the film industry works, fundamentally Bollywood and hollywood. I do it my way. God’s way, with love and integrity, because that’s the path of longevity. I came from a whole loving family. I’m fine with my pace. Not only that, I happen to love taking initiative and building together with my sister , to the unknown.That’s actually most exciting.

I’m consistent, that is success. Consistency can feel like a routine, which can be boring. But that’s it, that’s success. We create fireworks in between and at the end, but in reality it’s doing your work with consistency and you’ll go from A to B.

I can only make a change by following my intuition, I like my life just the way it is and going with the flow.

I’ve analyzed enough, now it’s about doing my part. without thinking about it.

 

I love love. I love harmony. I breathe, inhale and exhale, closing my eyes, opening them. I exist.

Hi my Chocolates,

Stay in touch with fun, just being. It is so important to wake up early and hike. It’s our 6 years Anniversary of me and my sister, since we came to Los Angeles. I grew as a human being. Art is so important. Filmmaking is the most expensive art form there is. It’s an expensive hobby, but very rewarding. It takes time to create quality. It’s minimum output, maximum outcome. It’s all about smart work. There is no shortcut to success. It all takes time. And it’s about using my time well.

I am really privileged to have experienced a life, before I joined the film industry. We are winning, All winners.

I love love. I love harmony. I breathe, inhale and exhale, closing my eyes, opening them. I exist.

Goodnight.

I chose growth and in the long term I am at peace

I am so glad that I stayed committed to my passion. My persistence is very strong and thank God for that. I had good people around me. Now after 6 years, I see a shift happening, that all the people with 9 to 5 job, they are quitting themselves, because they weren’t growing. They got a fixed income, but they weren’t developing any skills.

I made that decision 6 years ago. I am growing as a person, which makes me very happy.

I am developing skills, growing, increasing my knowledge. I love what I do and I am grateful I can continue doing this, really grateful.

It can happen any time, I trust God’s timing, staying in faith

Good Afternoon lovely drop of chocolates,

I just had some delicious baked sweet potato. For three months I was in a pool of ‘procrastination’ or it can also been seen as a time out/ holiday. I didn’t go out for a holiday, but I did go with my sister for Ice creams, pastries, for dinner etc. I was living life and I still am. I was meanwhile frustrated about others getting ahead, while I had my time out.

I realized that I cannot break the ceiling in one day. It takes time. While I am putting my art on a public platform, I still can enjoy life. It doesn’t matter who’s there first. Now in theory it’s easy to say, but I am understanding it now fundamentally.

I am giving to myself, by accepting God’s timing. I trust God’s timing, I am staying in faith. I take the steps regardless of the result, because clearly it has never been about that. It’s all about doing the work. That’s what matters. Not on the surface, but the work.

I trust God’s timing in everything. He knows better. So I am not going to question his timing.

I know that I am happy with my life, that’s what matters the most. I like to establish myself first at a level where I want to be. I want to give myself everything and what I want is something noble. That is a commitment. I trust that I will also meet the right person at the right time. And we will be one.

I believe that my art is worth it and it also deserves a place where it’s accessible to everyone. So I can share my vision. A week ago, I wanted to give up on everything, on life. But when that moment was there, I want to live.

I am living and that is a Gift from God. I can do anything, I have two eyes, two arms, two legs, healthy body and mind, I can do it. It doesn’t matter anymore, I am taking my steps.

It’s worth it. ❤

Appreciate every moment

Life works upside down. I’ve got to go with that. If it tells me to rest, I shouldn’t go against it. However, that doesn’t mean I’m passive. I have to actively accept it. Going hiking like I always do and trust. Really actively relax and tell my mind that it’s all well. Again my thoughts were drifting, but after last night’s scenario, I really appreciate every moment of my life.

I, the soul am in charge of my life

Good Afternoon cherry blossoms,

From the bottom of my heart, I thank God that I am alive and living this life. My soul is truly grateful for this life on earth.

Yesterday, I thought I would not make it, I was fighting it and I’m here.

A few lessons I’ve learned:

First of all, I bought a new body shampoo which had the ingredient: tocopheryl acetate. It’s from the body shower gel Ogx, the purple one. It turns out I am highly allergic for this particular ingredient.

 I’ve learned that I control the body, my thoughts not vice versa. In this instance, I had to stop itching or it would be cruel for me, I prayed to God and forced my hands to stop scratching. I prayed to God and said the verse of God, I learned how valuable that was, that indeed, my body doesn’t control me, my thoughts doesn’t control me, I the soul am in charge of my life!

The problem is that it says not tested on animals. Well it was just tested on me. My whole body started to itch and I’ve only used it for my hands! I got major skin rash everywhere and on my face, my sister started to cry.

This particular ingredient is synthetic and caused a high allergic reaction. I am sorry to say but from this experience I will never buy ‘cruelty free’ products. Because it is not tested on animals, makes it even more dangerous. We are human beings, with brains. Of course I don’t want it to be tested on horses etc, but rats, that is okay. This shouldn’t be on shelves. And the horrible part of this all is, okay if it is not being tested on animals, fine, but this ingredient is only in the shampoo to create a longer shelf life! Just because of that, money driven. Horrible.

I am a valuable human being, and if people don’t want it to be tested at all, then don’t put it in  stores in the first place, because I also don’t want to be the one who test these kind of products. Don’t produce it then, period.

I follow my intuition and I am very happy that I’ve learned this valuable lesson. These thoughts come and go, things happen to everyone, this can happen, but I can turn it around by taking charge. I thank God, this is it, this is life, Thank you so much ❤ 🙂

 

A romantic Birthday, which I created myself

Hi lovely chocolates,

Yesterday I had a very lovely birthday. In 2016 it was celebrated with fireworks, in Hawaii. I was a little bit disappointed prior of celebrating this year’s birthday. I mean, I wanted to celebrate it elsewhere, in Las Vegas even, but that didn’t happen. But I realized something here. Make the most out of the moment, don’t expect, things happen, roll with what I have.

So, I woke up early in the morning. Initially I wanted to hike, but I also wanted to have an early breakfast at Jean-George at Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills. I chose the latter. I went with my sister at 9.30am.

I told myself that it was my birthday, because frankly speaking I like to say it 🙂 And eventually sat outside. It was beautiful! So romantic, loved it. It took me a long time to accept that actually I can create a romantic cozy atmosphere for myself, doesn’t have to be with per se a ‘significant other’, it can be with my sister too!

We had a delicious almond pancake, oh my god, that was absolutely divine! And an omelette with fresh herbs.

I received a nice chocolate cake from the hotel, heaven 🙂

After that we enjoyed the rooftop view and went for an ice cream. And for dinner we went to Spice Affair Beverly Hills, also very nice atmosphere.

All in all, I enjoyed my time with my sister, it was cozy, romantic birthday with my family. My sister really was present and kind, that means a lot to me. She always takes care of the little things.

I am grateful for the cards that God has given me, family is one of them. Thank you,

Much love, God bless 🙂