I take my time

Beautiful things are happening. Again everyday I have to remind myself what my intention is. Very important. I’m learning not to rush myself, even though I want to go with someone and that person in this instance my sister wants to go now, I should have let her. Because I felt rushed. I made myself rush just to go with her. Almost twisting my arm in the process of making it on time.

So I just make my life easier, if I take my time. And if I truly want someone, I should be ready early in case if someone goes out. I’ll be ready to go with them. It makes life easier this way. Being responsible.

Right now I’m sitting at the pool at Loews hotel. Enjoying the nice view. Very beautiful.

My commitment to start the day with what I like first

It is imperative to focus on what’s essential in life. I get caught up into things that are out of my control. What is my intention, what is my goal. There are problems, that need to be solved. Which are often very small and insignificant. It’s all about solving it. What I do is dwelling too much on ‘why this is happening.’ There are so many beautiful things happening in my life which I am very happy about.

I woke up with a mindset of accepting what I can’t change and focus on what is really important in life. Appreciation. I have to train that muscle much more. I do feel very heavy in my energy. Perhaps because I have my periods. But I appreciate the fact that everything in my body is thankfully working well. It tells me what’s healthy, what to eat and what not to eat.

My parents and grandma are coming within a month, from Amsterdam. We’re going to Hawaii and Las Vegas. I truly make it my mission to focus on what’s essential, which is being together. IT’s not about having the perfect ‘holiday’, it’s about enjoying and spending time together. Not rushing. Go with the flow.

Have a beautiful day.

From desperately only wanting to be an actress to fully embracing being both actor and producer, it’s in me, entrepreneurship

I used to be ashamed of basically producing my own content. My country, The Netherlands wasn’t really promoting it. And always made it look like as if I’m thinking too much of outside the box. But coming to America 4.5 years ago, I realized that I’m damn skilled and extremely self sufficient.

I started to have my own creative business already at the age of 8. It was a henna tattoo business, I just love putting henna on hands. I loved being creative and building a business. At the time it wasn’t for money, I traded with marbles, what kids valued at the time.

I also did hand reading. The whole school suddenly knew about it and there would be rows of children, to get their hands read. I was just very curious about these things and read a lot of about hand reading and astrology. Then at high school my creativity started to fade, where I used to dance a lot, write, just being creative, at high school at the age of 12 going to 13, I started to compete suddenly. Initially I wasn’t aware of being smart, until someone pointed out to me. It made me aware. Soon being best in class mattered to me more than having harmony and balance between home and school. Initially school for me was just learning, educating myself. I loved educating myself, it wasn’t attached to numbers. Those six years of my life in high school became about superficial things. Yes I excelled, but too focused on the numbers. I got in the habit of a ‘structure’. Ofcourse I learned a lot, but it could have been more efficient and effective without removing my entrepreneurship. I have it in my blood, my dad is one. I felt my creative part and entrepreneurship wasn’t valued at highschool. It made it look like it didn’t matter in life.

Looking back it was all a blessing in disguise. If it wasn’t for this experience, I would never make the step to go to America and persist to find ways to establish myself here in Los Angeles. Here I’m free. I’m being creative all the time, I run my own company together with my sister and love producing my own content. Here it is normal, it’s called skilled. I’ve learned the in’s and outs. It’s in me, business. Thank God. God Bless😉


My organic to order sandwich from Mendocino Farms: Study of heat

Good Evening my beautiful friends,

There are some days that I would like to order. Those days are when I order halibut or salmon from whole foods, shrimp biryani from Spice affair and Turkey sandwich called study of heat from Mendocino farms.

I can’t eat the whole sandwich in one day, too much for me, I learned my lesson with that. Half is enough. Very fulfilling. Organic fruits and vegetables with turkey, avocado, Gouda cheese and salad. This Gouda cheese, I can eat, somehow my skin can take it, it’s delicious. But again, everything in moderation. I eat this for either lunch or dinner. For me, half a sandwich for a day is fulfilling and then I eat something else.

I’m finding more and more ways to be fulfilled. Organic and non-gmo.

Enjoy this day, eat in moderation.

Heavenly buckwheat pancake with homemade brazilnut milk, sugar and dairy free mmm

As a snack or for after lunch I made this heavenly pancake. This one is particularly delicious. With brazil nut. Like with any nuts I’ve learned to eat in moderation. 2-4 nuts per day. And when I use brazil nut milk, I make sure it’s only for one recipe, so I can’t have pancake and ice cream (I also put brazil nut milk in there) Everything in moderation. I learned the hard way. If I consume too much and I mean, I went overboard, I have difficulty breathing. But I also learned that too much of anything it’s not healthy. Even when the food item is packed with vitamins. Variety is important. I make sure now that I eat various things on a day. Not just nuts or only fruit. No. Little bit of all, having said that let me share this delicious recipe:

Brazil nuts has a lot of vitamin E, magnesium all good for the skin, I’ve got milk back. I like this one better than almond milk. Brazil nut milk is creamier.

Buckwheat pancake:  This is just for me, one serving; one cup is too much for me.

-1/2 cup homemade brazil nut milk

-1/2 cup buckwheat flower

-sea salt to taste

-1 banana or two (today I only had one)

-1 table spoon olive oil

I mix the brazil nut milk, buckwheat flower, salt and olive oil together, until it has a nice creamy fluent consistency. Then I mash the banana’s with a knife and spoon (I don’t like forks), put it in the ‘wet mix’, mix it together.

Preheat the oven at 350F for 8 minutes. Then I put the mix in the baking scale, like one whole big pancake. Bake it for 35 minutes and voila, delicious pancakes! Very tasty, love it. I tried Stone ground flower, Einkorn flower, all organic and non gmo, but it was so heavy for me. But buckwheat feel light in my tummy. With Einkorn unfortunately my skin broke out, but with buckwheat it didn’t. Finally.

This keeps me going for 1.5 hour and then I make something else. I have a strict diet in a sense that I don’t eat dairy, sugar. But I do eat fish,turkey and lamb once/twice a week.

Every two hours I make something. It’s normal, I eat all organic, non gmo. It can be irritating, but when I just go and eat out and do take-away, not thinking about whether it has dairy or corn starch, my skin breaks out. And that’s not nice to look at. A lot of celebrities has clean skin, yep they’re not eating chips, they eat dairy free dishes.

For me it’s not about gaining weight. Thankfully I don’t gain weight significantly. It just goes to my skin, face. I get pimples. chips has vegetable oil. I use olive oil for all my recipes, my skin stays clean that way. And I love olive oil. As long as I have my recipes and fruits and veggies ready, I can schedule it. And when I really don’t want to cook, I order from organic places once/twice a week.

Stay healthy, cheers!🙂

buckwheat pancake 3

From looking at my shortcomings to seeing my worthy skills.

Every imperfection has a perfection

I realized how blessed I am and it does take 2 to play the game. You can’t clap with one hand it needs two, my dad used to say, he still says. He’s right. Point is, I somehow cannot talk to the middlemen. But I can talk with the owner with confidence. I used to stress myself out, mainly because my mom couldn’t understand that I couldn’t talk to the middle men. I felt inadequate in that way. for e.g my sister could confidently talk to the (commercial) agent. I just couldn’t. They are very intimidating. And for the longest time I thought I was insecure. Or I thought I didn’t know how to speak. But no! That’s not true.

What I intuitively realize is that my bubbliness and enthusiasm doesn’t reach them. They are indifferent to it. But with owners I can. They also started with passion. And with owner I mean, for e.g.g owner of Apple, not owner of an agency who has to talk to an associate of Apple. I can go directly. We’re business people, passionate and doings things to express our passion, bring service to the public.

I don’t mind talking to the middlemen, but if I ask that person to get water for e.g.g don’t list 10 things of what I should do first or tell me I can’t get it. Just do the job, go to the owner and ask. IT’s that simple, but somehow they feel little power and they immediately start to exploit it. My skill of dealing is not being received. They want me to bow to them, which I did, but at my expense. Very intimidating people. But owners, like I said, I can level with them. Now I feel blessed that I have my skill which reaches the owners directly. It’s all possible. My sister was observing me and she pointed it out for me.

Yes I’m bored quickly but on the flip side I instantly connect with people. Doesn’t take me that much time. Lovable and exciting. I shed light. That’s my element. And every + (plus) has a (-). That’s okay, as long as I remind myself there is always a plus side to things. And my sister happens to know how to talk to the middlemen, that’s her skill. It’s equally divided. We’re complimentary to each other, yin and yang. What she can’t, I can and what I can’t she can. Beautiful and exciting a team right there. She’s my second hand to clap🙂


Making homemade ice cream from disaster to delicious

Hi lovely berries,

I bought an Ice cream maker and on Monday I made it together with my sister, however it was a complete disaster and very stressful. I was looking forward to it, for a long time and then when I got it, I didn’t catch up to my expectation. My sister said let’s just give it back. I had the same feeling. But it was our first attempt. I know now what I should do better next time. I just didn’t want to give up. This was the one thing, I actually have control over and get result. I’ll try again. I did, I just had to keep the ice longer in the ice cream maker, manufacturer says 25-30 minutes, it actually took 40 minutes, to get the best consistency.

Real ice cream. I tried it again and it was divine! Yes! Yes I am very excited about this, now I can make my own ice cream every week, especially when it’s so hot, woohoo! What a balance.

Ice cream recipe:

-4 Banana’s

-3 dates

-2 cups of home made brazil nut milk

-salt to taste (I put 1/4 teaspoon, love it!)

It made me happy. Actually what makes me truly happy, to see something that works🙂 Especially after making an attempt, victory is sweet. That counts in everything in life. I did receive an e-mail back from sponsorship deal regarding filmmaking, after so many attempts, it was nice. Full speed ahead, God is with me. It was all after I just gave in and thought of trying a different way. When it doesn’t work, try a different way. There are more ways that lead to Rome. God already has planned everything for us beautifully, I just have to press the right button and I think I just did😉

How I just overcame frustration and feeling hungry

I didn’t realize that I was making ‘feeling hungry’ an excuse. An excuse to avoid my tasks. I went to Zumba class at 8pm at LA fitness and I had a lot of fire and energy inside of me. All those thoughts were gone. Just feeling happy and excited to dance again. I needed movement, I truly needed it. The frustration was cause by social media, computer, iPhone. So many distractions, I wasn’t able to focus.

For an hour I put my mind on 0. No thoughts were coming in, just moving, dancing, expressing my joy in a physical way rather than well, I just had to dance the stress off. And I did, hallelujah.

I felt so low initially. E-mailing, getting no result. But ofcourse I feel sad and frustrated if I try to make deals through e-mail, through a device. I’m not connecting with people. So when I went to Zumba there was joy, a lot of joy and excitement. Everyone was excited.

However dealing with people and if someone is being frustrated to me or angry, I adjust to them and copy their emotions, I shouldn’t do that. IT’s hard to get emotion of love. It’s really hard. If someone accuses me wrongly. I mean it’s hard to act out of love. I only did that with that one person, but that person is not in my life anymore. But all those people I don’t know. I have to love everyone, it’s insane. I was looking so forward to making ice cream, too much hectic and frustration I don’t want it anymore. The anticipation is higher than the actual thing. Always

feeling frustrated and hungry and distracted all the time

I’m thin, clear skin, all because I’m superbly conscious about food. It’s easier for me to get instant home delivery, but my skin breaks out, because of non organic, vegetable oil and artificial flavors that they put it.

Solution? cooking. But I’m hungry, so I get frustrated. And on top of it, it’s going tooooo slow for me. I want instant success, instant money. I am used to it. I used to get everything quick.

I don’t want be like everybody else, yet I want to be like everybody else. God, I have original content and people who copy are best sellers. I want to throw away my originality, but when I follow someone else, nobody cares, because I’m like everybody else. And when I am original, nobody says anything to me. All those people who are in Amsterdam, are not asking how I am. I am here for 4.5 years in LA and nobody asked me. They come, trash it and than leave. Yes, they got their karma, but anyways, I just don’t know anymore. I actually do know.

I want everything all at once and on earth that’s not possible. I have everything, yet I feel soooo frustrated. Everytime when I acquire something, I feel happy. But it’s just for a moment. It’s a constant moment.

I want to quit life, just quit and do nothing. Which I did. And then I get the stamina to do everything, working towards my mission and then I get distracted all the time. ALL THE TIME. I never had that problem. I’m a straight A student, excellent in maths, I love maths, I was able to focus for hours and hours and hours. I never had this problem. I could even go without food. I had a mission to get my degree, then I did University for one year, completed that. But now, what happened to my laser focus, I am just not able to focus on one thing. I get distracted all the time. What is causing this.

Delicious healthy organic grapefruit-banana smoothie with passion fruit

Good Afternoon,

To get my power packed nutrition boost, I made a healthy delicious smoothie.

The ingredients for the organic grapefruit-banana smoothie are:

-1/2 grapefruit

-1 whole banana

-1/2 cup home made almond milk

-1 date

-hint of sea salt

-1 passion fruit

I mixed the grapefruit, banana, almond milk, date and sea salt in my nutribullet. And at the end I put 1 passion fruit on top. Voila, I got my delicious smoothie.

All ingredients are organic and I bought it at the farmer’s market. I got the organic banana’s at whole foods market. The grapefruit has antioxidants and all these ingredients keeps my skin clear. Gratefully is fulfilling as well.

Enjoy and Happy Monday!