All is well that ends well

All’s well that ends well definition:

 Problems that occur along the way do not matter as long as the outcome is happy.

I have to focus on myself and my family. On my growth. I wanted to fix the past, but the battles that I’ve lost, it all doesn’t matter, if in the end, I have won the war.

It’s all good. I just have to keep focusing on myself and my family and on my growth.

Have a beautiful Saturday. 🙂




Harmony within the family

I am so grateful for my life. Harmony within my family. Career is a treat, roles and characters to play comes out of love. Most important is harmony with myself and family. That I can come home to a loving family and actually just be with them.

It looks cool to create amazing roles one after the other, amazing career, but then I come home, where is my family?

I have a beautiful life, I can taste it, I like reality. So the roles that I can play, I know I can play them really well on stage or film. I pick them wisely now and I am selective. I put my time, love and energy in it. However I still have a life. An amazing life to live. Lovely parents and a lovely sister. I can savor each moment.

My career comes out of love.

I have become grounded in the process of acting, film making. It’s beautiful, but it’s part of my life. It’s part of it. And that’s good.

I love my home, being here, calmly, happy, harmoniously, makes everything else sweet. If I get my a nice role, character to play, can make a phenomenal movie, it’s only because I have so much love in me so I can give in abundance. And that comes from being grounded and harmonious.

It’s a good life. It’s not perfect nor will it be, but my perspective has changed, so in my eyes, it’s exactly how it should be. Loving 🙂

Living life

I am talking about this moment, a moment to keep. Today I had some lovely moments. Eating a chocolate croissant at the Grove fountain. Yes there were some children there, suddenly sitting next to me. First I thought, oh no, I am eating my delicious croissant, they’re ruining my moment. But I had to let go of that ‘perfect’ moment. When they left, I actually liked their presence.

Everything happens for a reason. It’s all to grow from, learn from, this is life.

Talking about food, cooking, lovely stuff, simple stuff. Arts and crafts. Going to the dentist. Watching Lucy show.


Finally, it is happening, I can taste abundance

It’s been a long time, it started from 2013 till 2016. 4 years, to get close to myself. I have indeed worked to get to this state of mind. Abundance.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe, that I have entered this state. I have learned a lot. People who comment, or said something, they all were just saying, not doing. I was meanwhile busy doing the work.

I have done the work and now I can taste the fruits of it. I came here in 2011, 6 years later, I can taste the fruits of getting close to myself.

I realized that I was the one who was creating obstacles, stress, panic. Something that ‘society’, ‘parents’ , ‘ people’s comments’ rubbed off on me. I have to detach myself from that. That on it’s own took 6 years. But I got here.

I am so blessed to be with my sister. I am so blessed that I have my parents. I might not be at the same ground with my mother, but she gave me the best father. Absolutely the best father.

My best friend is my father. My best friend is my sister. And I think that I might be on good grounds with my mother soon.

Harmony within my family, that is what I truly wanted. It wasn’t ‘career’, ‘fame’, nothing like that, it was something warm, something beautiful, something grounded. My family.

Rest in my heart. Still working on it more. Rest in my heart.

I trust my guardian angels, they have worked and are working overtime, to get peace in my heart.

I am happy and I deserve this rest, this is a beautiful treat. It’s a beautiful year, it’s a great year. A great start.

Learning to relax more. Take a deep breath, inhale…..exhale.

Thank you God. Have a beautiful evening.

For me to succeed in life I need to relax.

I feel like I am losing. Losing myself, falling behind. I want to do everything at the same time. I want to go on a holiday. I want everything. IS this ME? Or is this my Mother talking?

Who Am I? Still don’t know. I am not perfect.

It took that one minuscule dent in my room in Amsterdam, to change my destiny. That small thing, I made it so worse. I had absolutely everything. Now, same thing.

Yes, I am irritated of the sound of the dog whatever sound he is making. I am irritated of the smell in the bathroom. I am irritated of the smell of weed/smoke in kitchen. I don’t have a dog, I don’t smoke, I keep everything clean.

What is bugging me? It cannot be that. Because if I was told that I am going on a holiday within two days, who cares about these little things.

So there is something deeper. Stronger. Can I ever get out of that? Or it will always be there and I have to deal with it, everyday.

–Self-reflection moment –

I realized that I am the obstacle to achieving my life goals and I don’t have anyone else to blame except myself.

For me to succeed in life I need to relax.

Doing nothing, I’m still learning to take my recharge time

The key to happiness is not the career, relationship, award etc. That on it’s own is not fulfillment.

I do a lot of self reflection and what I found out, is through this journey I’m coming back to my roots. Creating for the sake of creating. I am a story teller, a dancer, a writer, but who am I at the core? A human being.

Still learning to apply doing nothing. Grabbing to entertainment, is easy, but we’ll see…

The power of meditating in the morning. It’s NOW or NEVER

Good Afternoon lovely blossoms!

For the past three days I’ve been waking up early to meditate. The first day it was hard, because I didn’t see the point of it. But I’ve done this in the past when I was in elementary school, I prayed with my dad.

In high school I stopped meditating, stopped taking time to give thanks to God. Yes I said thanks, but not the way I used to.

God first, the rest later. Truly God is first, nature first, universe first. Everything else is secondary. Nature is everything.

So I pray and sit in front of the balcony, looking outside. Setting my intention for the day. I did that for three days and I do see that I am much more focused. There is more understanding and more acceptance.

There is a life beyond e-mails and computers. I want to savor each moment, take my time.

I’m still learning, how to slow down and recharging.

I am learning the benefits of waiting. Still don’t know what the benefits are, fundamentally, but I am learning.

Yes, I have accepted that I’m still learning. My biggest challenge is having patience, learning to wait for the perfect timing.

There are benefits, some things I can explain, but there are many things I cannot explain. I just leave it all up to God.

Going with the flow. It’s NOW or NEVER.

I am from Amsterdam, The Netherlands, I love my country, but I am in the right country to express myself and bring my art out. Only in this country The United States Of America, I can truly be who I am meant to be. I can bring it out there, everything that I have acquired in The Netherlands, all the skills, knowledge I can implement it all here.

I’ve been through many years of not knowing, somehow it turned out to be fine.

I’ve already put it out in the Universe, it’s already happening. That I know for sure.


Something new, special is on it’s way!

What a love. This day is beautiful, soft and lovely. Going with the flow, trusting God. It takes faith and courage.

I am developing another characteristic, to be more objective. And putting more energy in what I want, not in what I don’t want.

It’s truly putting things in perspective. Recalculating and living your life, day by day, moment to moment.

I understand my parents now, I am now walking my path. Leading by example. I was welcomed with a beautiful sky. The sky was blue, with beautiful white fluffy clouds. Similar to Pixar movies, beautiful!

Keep going, trust in God, something beautiful is on it’s way.

No more grudges, this is a new day, new life, new beginnings. Something new, special is on it’s way.

Love starts from within, sprinkle it everywhere, love and kindness.

Things are turning around, the Universe is rising up above the circumstances. It’s going to happen.

Happy Valentine’s day! 🙂



What my father couldn’t complete, what my mother couldn’t do, my sister and me are going to fulfill it.

I am so done with those people who were trying to come in our lives as friends and then they were only there to pull me down. It’s so done. Why do I care? Because my mother cares. I want to let it all go. I want to move on with my life and truly let the past go. I don’t know them. Why do I care and why is there still an emotion attached to it. She always favored those people. I wished that those people were never in my life. Having said that, honestly those same people are that very thing, why  I am still here, truly there is no turning back. There is nothing to go back to. All of this with my mom, I had to go out of that. And go forward.

If it wasn’t for my sister, I would have never go forward. I’m still in revenge mode for my father. Everything that he has been through and he was silent, I am still fighting the war. Perhaps unconsciously for my mother too. From the environment she came from, put down all the time, I’m their revenge, I have to be successful, and not the typical success. It’s more than that. It’s so much more than that.

I am here to spread my name everywhere, so success is so evident. What my father couldn’t complete, what my mother couldn’t do, my sister and me are going to fulfill it. It doesn’t matter when, because time is infinite, but it has to happen. 

I am silent, very silent, but my sister is working towards something big and I’m here to get there. We will get there.

I have to learn something here. Enough is Enough. Their pride, going over us, going over my parents, enough is enough. I am silent, but soon my work will speak. That is up to God. He has put me on hold right now. Patiently I am going forward. It will happen and it cannot be stopped from happening.

Those people have absolutely no manners and my mother has been affected completely, thinking that they are indeed superior. Enough is enough. I am not talking with my mom right now, because she is in their hands still and it seems like she never wants to go out of it. If she cannot see my blessings, then at this time there is no time to talk. I absolutely don’t have to justify myself for the actions I am taking. But I am done with all of them.

I am here in Los Angeles, living here for 6 years now, going into the 7th year. I have acquired so much knowledge, I will blast it in success, with God’s timing.

I am silent, but not inside. It’s already setup.

And Thank You for those, who put me and my parents down, you are fueling so much energy and fire inside of me, I will do anything in my power to make it happen.

My soul’s mission has not been completed. I’m still on it. With love and care, with patience and silence. 


I chose self growth over materialism and this is what it brought me.

Every No, Setback, or Delay, is another opportunity to expand my knowledge. This is what I’ve seen. So in the short term, it seems that  I have nothing, or I have ‘lost’ everything, but honestly that is not true. In the long term I have acquired so much knowledge, that I am able to make 100x more then I did before.

This knowledge that I have acquired, cannot be counted in money. It is so much more than that. I have become enlightened.

To put it in perspective, I had a big house, cars, unlimited amount of holidays in Amsterdam. Which by the way was my parents fortune 🙂 Left it all behind in 2011 for self growth. So in 2013, based on social influences and circumstances, I started to wonder if it is all worth it. Was it worth it, I am not ‘popular’ at least I can’t taste it and can’t ‘show’ to the people who put me down, how much I’ve acquired. I was 0 on the radar of materialism.  I lived on a budget and lived in a small studio apartment together with my sister. Outside perhaps 0, but inside what a power, which was about to be unleashed.

Still, everyday I questioned everything. What was I thinking? This journey is truly not for the fainthearted. But my spirit animal is a Lion. So I was bound to overcome my challenges. Spiritually I knew that this is just a task I have to go through.

I persevered, then 2015 happened. The year I vowed to become closer to myself. Closer to God. I shook hands with my Destiny and things started to shift, tables started to turn. It became visible. My power from inside which was growing became visible on the outside.

Today I am in a beautiful apartment. But ofcourse I will never forget the other apartment, it was thanks to that blessed apartment that I have received immense growth, it’s the reason for my present success. If it wasn’t for that period, I wouldn’t be here. It would have been to easy and I would still be the same person.

I have more purchasing power, but more importantly I am able to invest in something bigger, something that me and my sister have envisioned.

Materialism becomes small when it comes to self growth. To each it’s own. Understand this, when I had materialism I was being judged of being ‘privileged’, and going for my dream, I’m still being judged. Meaning, I can never please someone.

I am absolutely happy with what I have, self growth has already gathered me everything what I wanted financially. Living at the most expensive city in the world, I am grateful for this.

I also realize, it’s that I have everything, I should be humble. So I am slowly going on the path of being humble more and more. The need of showing disappears, because God has granted me everything. And the brain he bestowed on me, can be used for something bigger. Connected with the universe. Amen.