It’s the era of truth. things are being exposed and truly nothing is what it seems. Magazines, social media it all can make people’s life look sooooo perfect. But in reality they are far from perfect. I can’t let it get to me again. I’ve lost a lot, regained it again. I can’t go through that cycle again.
If it doesn’t happen in this lifetime, then I’ll try and make it happen in my next life time.
These are the thoughts that come to me when I read things about people who so called have already made it, or magazines, mostly european ones, who makes me cry:
“I’m not going to give myself pressure, why things are not working out the way I want to, with the knowledge that I have, I just sometimes feel that I want more. I can get more. Chanel bags, designer bags, clothes. I’ve put everything in my art. Even though I know that a lot of designer fabrics are the same as regular ones, most of the time the fabric is polyester, which irritates my skin, but I just want to wear nice fashion. I want to dress up, feel good, pamper myself.
I want my career to fly off. I have to be honest, I want to look like I’m it, I’m the one, I have everything, the looks the beauty, that people talk about how beautiful I am, how great I am. That’s the honest truth right now. I can philosphy about that this is a path and I’ll get there, but when, I want everything now. I want to be fashionable. And you know why? Because people care about that more. the magazines, tv, they all show that. I think if I had everything what I wanted and i would have millions on the bank, I’ve achieved it myself and could go on a luxury holiday, I wouldn’t look at other people and envy those people who are having a platform.
And even though I know the truth of their financial situation, they still are in magazines. Perhaps they need it the most. What would make me feel harmonious is if I would have the love of my life. I know that I am the one who makes me feel complete, but just knowing that someone is there for me, looking out for me. i know my parents are, my dad is, but oef, those European magazines makes me want to consume more, have more.
Yes the whole shebang got out with Weinstein, it’s clearly not what it seems, but there must be a way to become a millionaire again. I was that, now I want it again.”
I just had a moment —
Realizing what I just wrote—
I must accept and roll with what I have. And if I become envious of something, that doesn’t matter, I’m going to roll with what I have. It’s done.
Tomorrow I’m going to take a yoga class and relax. Take a deep breath and, inhale and exhale. I’m lucky with what I have, I am slowly realizing it. I already have it inside of me. I know I have.