Things to be done

Good Afternoon,

I just ate some powerful brownies. Damn, they were really powerful, I mean, I am so full. My sister made it this time too powerful. A lot of chocolate this time. Very intense.

It’s 1.50pm, 31st of August, 2015. A year ago my parents came to visit and we celebrated my birthday in Wynn Las Vegas. My birthday is at the end of September, so we’ll see. But I know a lot things needs to be done. A lot of goals to be achieved. While I am achieving these goals, I also want to enjoy. I have to safe money for tickets to Hawaii. My goal for this year is to earn $10.000 through my art/commercial, so I can get my parents and grandma here and we can go to Hawaii and celebrate.

It just needs a lot of commitment. I know I can achieve it. It is possible. I know I can. It just needs budgeting. *just called my mom*

It will be exciting. Very exciting. New life, new beginning here in LA. Very interesting. I’m going to do my hair and make up. I have a beautiful apartment now, with a beautiful view.

Yeah! Exciting, it’s all exciting. Let’s be fearless and let’s get on this adventure. It will be all good! Yeah! A lots of scheduling, but all is well.

Much love


Embracing the present and letting go of the past…again

Good Evening my companions,

Beautiful things have been happening. However, I realized something two days ago. I really have to let go of the past, of the past moments. And I am talking about the good ones, the beautiful moments, which are all in the past. I have to evolve, I have to move on. The past is the past. And I have to create new moments, new memories. Now.

I already started a new life here, but now I have to go full speed ahead. This is a new journey, new life. I am embracing it. The good or bad, it’s all gone, it’s all behind me. The battles of the past are done. New challenges ahead, Beautiful moments ahead, I am creating it, new ones, fresh ones. I’ve learned a lot and I am growing. New things to learn.

I loved you a lot the past, all the moments I shared with my family in Europe, it was awesome and beautiful. But I can create new ones here. I can work and earn so I can get my parents here, give them a beautiful holiday again, now it is my time. I am going to do it. It will be a new adventure, new journey. But my life is here, I am starting a life here. A new life. This is my home, LA, America is my home now. It’s a beautiful journey here and I am receiving so much love. I can only give something back, by embracing my present, embracing what I have now.

The past has shaped me, it’s all gone, it’s done. I am starting over again here, a new life, a fresh one. But keeping my mom and dad with me, always. I want to give them something beautiful in return and I will.

A new beginning, going full speed ahead, letting go of the past and embracing the present. It is happening, it is happening.

Love you, it is time to let go. I am letting you go the past. I am going into a new journey, my present. It is time.

Unconditional love

No one can stand between us, we will always be together. That’s our love. I cannot change you, I accept you as you. After all there is only one you. I always have your back, all is well.

I love you both mom and dad. Both of you. You are both sweet and lovely. Even with all your mistakes. I’ve learned from your mistakes. From all your mistakes. It’s all good.

I know what I have to do, I know my responsibility and I will do it. I know it and I will act on it. I will.

I understand it now, I appreciate my journey. I love you all. Always.

I’ve let go

A year ago I made a commitment to myself that I will not try to change a person and I know that I can only change myself. Improve myself, getting closer to myself.

All is well. I’m sorry if I have let myself down. I am so sorry. But I can at least learn from my mistakes. I am grateful for everything. I love and appreciate myself.

I practice gratefulness and appreciation every single day. It is important. Very important. I already knew about everyone’s true colors. I knew that a year ago. My best friend is myself and God. Thank God I have my sister though.

I appreciate my life and do my best. It is 37 degrees today, very hot. I didn’t clean today or did something ‘productive’. I just wanted to make sure my mom and dad are okay. I know they are. I love them both. Always.

They both have given me my life. I will always love and respect them. God bless them both.

I know I have to re-shift my focus again and put it into my career. It will be fine and I am grateful I am here. I love you so much, there is so much love here.

I let go of the past and be in the present, it’s all good, my heart is at rest. No matter what happens, I know I will be alright. I am well and I am blessed. Thank God.

Big hug

Hot Chocolate

My dear ones,

Today I had a ‘morning’, a strong one, well it just didn’t go the way I expect it to be. But I didn’t beat myself up for it. In fact I received a lot of love. Yes, I was worrying about paying my rent, since all the checks will come in September. And I rather don’t want to touch my ‘birthday’ money. But that’s okay. I have a beautiful apartment, loving parents, I am blessed, it’s all good.

I made it good. Yes, it can be very uncertain in life, but than again, today I thought I will have something for certain and I didn’t get it. So, why am I chasing again for that ‘certainty’ if life it’s self, is not in my hands.

I worked on my future project and in the evening I wanted to relax and go for a walk with my sister. Without my phone, just go and have something simple. I put faith into action. And you know what, whatever will happen, I at least enjoyed my evening today. I had a nice hot chocolate at Ghirardelli, it was very tasty and I felt at peace. Beautiful view at Hollywood bvld, lovely view of how they made other desserts, mmm.

Beautiful evening. I accept this life, whether I will get it or not, regardless of any result, I will celebrate life. And I did. Why wait for something to happen? I create it, I enjoy it. I’l do this more often, take my moment, my lovely evening.

Love you, take care and indulge.

Count your blessings

I would like to say certain things to you which I can’t verbally, so I hope you will understand when I’m writing this to you:

You run after people who never give you acknowledgement and neglect those who truly respects you. For example: Everyone at your work is dying for your new recipe, they love your cooking, one of the world’s leading company and CEO has given YOU acknowledgement, but instead you are investing time and running after those who don’t care.

You have two beautiful well mannered, intelligent daughters who are pursuing their dreams at the entertainment capitol of the WORLD, but again you are running after people who don’t ever utter these words that your good.

You have a friend/husband who you can call 24/7 who is a great dad for your children, you have seen the world with that person, you can laugh with that person and he always says how beautiful you are and you have a beautiful skin color, beautiful figure, but AGAIN you are running after people who never acknowledged you.

Whatever someones decision is, whether that person wants to give you less and the other more, YOU have NO right to say: ‘but why does person x get more and always gets more and I don’t’.  That is not up to YOU to ask that, that is kismet and than your basically asking GOD/UNIVERSE that all the blessings you got is nothing, because you want to have what the other has. STOP COMPARING. AND START COUNTING your OWN BLESSINGS.

With all do respect but you are being ungrateful. You often say that to me, when I am only focusing on the ‘bad’ side of things, while I have so many Good things in my life. It is TIME that you need to count YOUR BLESSINGS.

AND I will tell you what you told ME: if you keep going after those people and you keep asking for their approval than at the end with a lot of pain you will be granted your wish. But keep in mind that the chance of getting yourself back together and that people at work wants to see YOUR recipes will STOP and those blessings that you were supposed to get will go to someone else, because you decided to go against your destiny. You will regret it after you have ‘received’ your wish. And you will realize that what you wanted was NOT what you needed.

Also I would like to say at last. You are asking to do the IMPOSSIBLE, which is making someone to give you acknowledgement, you are ASKING to CHANGE the person and you have tried it for so many years. You can keep trying dear, but by doing this Impossible act, you will make EVERYTHING else NOT possible.

You are not giving up, you are letting go. Focus on your own journey, count your own blessings, than you will see wonders. Can it really be that simple? Yes, it all starts by shifting your focus which you kept postponing for 50 years, start with what YOU want. Everybody has their own goal, own family, start focusing on YOU. And they will come back. They always come back, but do you still want it then?

It’s in your hands. You can keep holding on of what you have been doing for so long or you can make a change, right here right now, decision is yours.

It can be that simple

I took this weekend off, relaxed, ate lots of brownies. Yes, I had some anxiety about certain things. But I just cleaned the house and before that my mom called. It was a relief to express my feelings.

I watched Master Chef India and indulged myself into brownies and watching delicious dishes being made. A huge relief.

This moment, today is what I have and we’ll see what happens tomorrow, it doesn’t matter, I still have my loving family and sister and that’s beautiful. And I have God. All is well.

It’s all going to be fine, it’s okay. There is always a solution. I can only do my best. We’ll see and celebrate the moment, regardless of anything.

It’s all good, my luck have changed, because my mentality has changed. I am more caring and kind. I have a strategy and everything is a tool, to get to my destination, closer to God. What didn’t work for me before is working for me now, but by letting go and being in the present. Enjoying the simple things in life. It’s so simple, that I thought, ‘Can it really be that simple?’ Yes, it can!

I’m going to eat now, have a beautiful Sunday evening, take care and hugs to your family! xxx

Rather be alone, than being sick together

Good night my sweet cupcakes!

One thing I would like to say is that I have eliminated all those people who tried to dim my light. I don’t look at others and I don’t think of others, I simply focus on myself.

I don’t have to ‘struggle’ hard to get the beautiful things in life. I’m sorry, but that is not the criteria to success. There are a lot of people in this world who whistle and suddenly are millionaires, no struggle there. By the way every single person on earth faces the same kind of emotions, but others are very good in controlling it and take responsibility for their actions and others complain and put other people down, because they cannot reach there themselves.

This life can be easy or difficult, that is up to me. I have chosen now for an easy life. Yes I was born with luxury and wanted to make my own name, create something myself and went to LA. That is a good thing. But I am very happy I got that privilege of my parents. My parent’s support.

Those 2 specific people in my life, who had an influence in my life, I let them influence me, but not anymore. Those 2 people, they put me down like hell and now I see that they wanted to be ME. They wanted EVERYTHING what I had. But because they couldn’t at least that’s what they thought, it was easier for them to put me down, I suddenly hated myself and thought that I also have to ‘struggle’, I have to face the fact that I don’t have money, and go through that loophole. I did and it was horrible, NEVER AGAIN. I am blessed with what I have and I will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to myself again. I am so blessed with what I have. My sister and me, the financial wealth we have, Praise the lord. Lord have mercy. OMG, I won’t go to their level, I will maintain my patience. I did and time told them the truth. And time told me the truth. EVERYTHING that I have and got so far, is a huge blessing. I am a worthy person.

I rather be alone and have no ‘friends’ than to be with someone who I truly loved, who constantly tries to put me down. NO, I rather be alone, than being sick together.

I made this commitment exactly a year ago and I have stuck to it. NO intentions of changing it. If someone comes along who has mutual respect, that’s something else. But till this time, I thank God for what I have right now, I thank God for opening my eyes and I thank God for giving me this life, this body, this soul. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Best Blessing

I just read:

Sometimes our best blessing comes from the worst situation in life

True. Every ‘bad’ thing that happened had a blessing in disguise. I am grateful for everything. Living my life and doing my best.

Every single thing that happened to me so far, was imperative for my growth. Now I can see that and understand it. I am happy and thank you God, you know everything. You know it. Who am I to deny you. You know what’s good for me.

I realize more and more how blessed I am and I hung out with people who wanted to take away my shine. But I have compassion for them, they didn’t have the privilege that I have. It’s okay. It really is.

I am back and I got everything back. I got my life back. And if it weren’t for those struggles, that pain, that heart break, I would always wonder. But now I know for sure, I am grateful for every single thing I have. Every single thing. I am grateful for my ambition, I am grateful that I have loving parents, grateful that I have a loving sister. And grateful that I am myself. Being me is cool and great. I love being me. I love it.

Thank you so much, thank you. Have a great evening and I thing I will buy chocolate 🙂

I had a dream

I had a dream, a magnificent one. I saw a blue lion, with big shiny hair. The hair was so big and shining bright, with blue sparkles. It was so big and I was in awe. I was mesmerized, completely mesmerized by this. I didn’t know what it was.

It is a totem. And 2 days later, I found out that it was none other than me. Yes, in the commercial shooting, I was wearing blue and I was sprinkled with blue glitter. My hair was shining bright and like a lion, I was moving with my hair left and right.

Very beautiful, very blessed.

I am a valuable human being. I realize that now. I take care of my health now more than ever. I appreciate myself and I am kind to myself. I won’t let myself down and put myself down anymore.

I put all the focus on myself and I am grateful for everything that God has given me.

It is destiny.