Life’s little treats, what a feeling!

My cupcakes,

After a long time I’ve indulged myself with a sprinkle cupcake, vanilla. Oh my god. For the past few days, weeks, I didn’t feel anything. Nothing. But two things make me feel, in heaven which has not to do with a person. Which is in my control 😉  A sprinkle vanilla cupcake. Oh god, I was in heaven, absolutely divine. And when I dance. Yesterday I did hip hop class and I felt instantly. I felt amazing, what a work out, what a dance.

Those two things in life, are heaven. I know, everything in moderation. But if I want to feel, I go to this life’s treat. I wanted a wedding cake and this taste like it. This vanilla sprinkle’s cupcake, is heaven and I got my first one for free. After such a long time, I indulged and it was precious. I could appreciate it even more.

Walking outside, breathing fresh air, dancing and eating some sweets, everything in moderation, but God, this is heaven. Thank you that this exists and thank you that I am in America. I love you all. I feel and I love the feeling. It was amazing after such a long time. Next time again, till we meet again my delicious cupcake. Love you, much love and kisses!

And when my parents arrive, I will order lots of vanilla cupcakes mmmm, love you! I just wanted to feel that I exist and I felt it today, oh I did 🙂


Start my day with a little prayer

Good Morning my sweethearts,

It’s Friday 10.41am, 29th of April 2016. 4th month of the year. My phone was next to my bed, but I decided today, to do a little experiment. Today I won’t touch my phone, I won’t look at it. I am wasting my time with it, just surfing around and I slowly want to decrease that.

I woke up around 9.45am and started to pray first. Being grateful for what I have and guiding me in the right direction. I already am enough and have what I need. Everything else is a plus, but with or without, I am celebrating life on a daily basis. Just doing small things. Like baking, in that way I appreciate my time and put it into something valuable.

I am working on patience. Seriously I am. I am lately very close into achieving things, but last minute I don’t get it. I know how it works, I am ready, but I am not getting it. Patience is a virtue. I like to have things very fast. Instant gratification. But I am practicing patience. In hindi it’s said: ‘Sabr ka phal meetha hota hai’  I want things fast, really fast. The downside of that is, I forget to appreciate it, if I get it fast. Appreciation. However, I thought that I’ve learned it all now, appreciation, patience. Going into the same round, routine. I do my best, to make life great for myself. I guess I have to keep pushing, it’s all I can do. Life is great and I will make the most out of it.

Give me the strength to keep going, with love. Love love love. I asked for a second chance and here I get it. If I could do it over again, what would I do? This is my second chance, I’m living with my sister, we are on a journey….I just have to learn to appreciate the cards I’ve gotten. And I will.

Life’s message: harmony within the family

I almost got the commercial, I was on a strong hold, but last minute they decided to go with someone else. Very interesting. I was very  excited when I heard that I was in the final selection. In the audition I said: A magical moment at a wedding would be harmony within the family, the love between us.

I should not expect from life. I will definitely let go, I’m done waiting and expecting. Expecting for things.

I am grateful that I know what love is and that I am capable of loving. Every one who pushed me from the cliff, I would like to say thank you. I can swim. I thank the person who was my so called first ‘love’, thank you that it didn’t work out. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I’ve found myself in America.

I’m grateful for every single thing in my life. Everything. I love it all. It has shaped me, made me of who I am today. It pushed me harder to follow my dreams. This is my dream. I always wanted to live in a country with palm trees and here I am. And I trust that there is someone out there for me, a sweet loving, wise, caring person. But for now I enjoy the love of my parents, of my sister and from the world. Thank you so much, God bless.

Have a great night. I just came from Hip hop class and I’m so happy I went to class. It keeps me fit and happy. I love dancing. I love it. That’s also one of my biggest magical moments in life. I didn’t wait for it, I created it.

Good night! xxx


Waiting for a magical moment

I’m waiting for a magical moment, I am waiting for you. I went in for a commercial audition, I was close, very close, but my last reaction didn’t hit the mark. I went home, recorded my reaction in the camera. Next time I know, how to do if differently. But that’s the thing! Every audition is in the moment, this time I hit the other factors and missed another one. Those hits and misses. One time I hit it right and then again a miss and then a hit. It’s truly letting go, I know that, just doing my thing. I did.

I just want to hug you, be in your arms.  I know nothing good can come out of it by holding on to you. But we had moments with each other, magical moments, I am so glad I know you and met you. With you I had my first kiss, with you I was holding hands, those little moments, I want that with you.

But then reality hits. Part of growing up hits me. There is a time to move on, find other magical things in life.
I came home, a bit devestated, but my sister had some good news she said. She found a beautiful Indian restaurant which serves organic food. I was craving for indian food, but organic, vegan.
She said it with love and compassion, but I was in my head with winning. I just wanted to win and get this project. It seems so ‘perfect’ anyway I just have to trust that God knows what’s best for me. He has shown me before and I will listen.

There is always something. Even when I got the commercial, the stylist was bad. Or when I got you, I wanted to have a career. There is and always will be something. I still have to practice to be happy with what I have and make the most out of it. It sounds so good and it’s easy to write. Feelings come in the way, but I have to go through this, I just have to.

Success is here, right now

It’s Sunday, 24th of April 2016. I read my last year’s post and it reminds me that I am on the right track. I am healthy, balancing my family and career. It’s all good. Success is consistency and persistence.

Everything has a cause and an effect. I do something, invest in myself, invest in my ideas and there will be an outcome. That’s a fact. The more I do, the better I become. Focusing on myself, having laser focus, being kind to myself, in that way my inner light will shine bright.

That’s it, the pearl is in me and I just have to remind myself everyday, through meditating. Oeff, even when I skip one day, it throws me off.

God approves me, God is at my sight. Trust, I trust you God.

Good night, sweet dreams

Delicious Organic pancakes, dairy free, eggs free

Hi sweet hearts,

I was craving for something sweet, but also something salty. Internally I felt that I wanted to occupy myself with something. I think a lot, analyze a lot. And baking, cooking easy stuff, is a relief to my mind. I become present, I mean I have to. When I cook, emphasize on easy cooking, it makes me feel free. I’m doing something creatively. And if I can’t do it immediately with my art, I do it for myself. And I was hungry. Usually I would just go out for dinner, but I want to make sure that everything is prepared with olive oil and it is organic.

I’ll be honest. I always wanted to bake with my ‘prince charming’ when I will find ‘him’, ‘the one’, then I can do these life’s simple gifts. I mean seriously, how long should I wait?  I am celebrating everyday, with or without. It all starts with small steps. Baking lovely things, cooking nice recipes, fitness, writing, what’s next ? 😉

I haven’t included eggs, because my skin lately broke out from that. Unfortunately they’ve changed an ingredient. Please be aware, they might have a certificate of non-gmo and organic, but after they got the certification, they can change one ingredient, which changes everything. And I drank too much almond milk, which is also not good. Everything in moderation.

What did I put in?

-1 cup Arrowhead Mills organic whole wheat flower
-1 tbl spoon organic coconut flower
-1 tbl spoon olive oil
-2 ripe bananas (organic)
-1 teaspoon organic vanilla extract
-1/2 teaspoon Himalayan sea salt
-1 cup water, or a little bit more 😉

I mixed it in the smoothie mixer, and voila I had my pancake mix. I added the banana mix at the end and didn’t mix that, because I like to have some big chunks of banana in my pancake, it’s more delicious that way.

I cooked it in the pan, high heat. After 5-7 minutes I flipped it over for another 5 minutes. Yes, it does take time, I had to do that per pancake. But now I know, that preparing healthy takes effort. But it’s okay, I could choose in going on Facebook watching other people, or invest in myself. I’m just spending some quality time with myself. I know now how to make some nice dishes for myself.

Very delicious and healthy. No sugar added, just healthy bananas hmmm. All organic, and super tasty. I love it! As I’m writing this, I’m craving for more.

Have a great evening, love you all!

photo (11)



Organic Japanese sweet potato fries

Good Evening,

Yesterday evening I made these delicious Japanese sweet potato fries. I was watching a movie and wanted to eat a healthy snack so I made this recipe. I don’t like cooking, but I love baking.

Very easy recipe, easy to bake. I put it in the oven on 425F for 25-30 minutes. After 20 minutes, I flipped them over. I’ve put some olive oil and sea salt on it and that was it. Delicious snack.

I bought the organic Japanese sweet potato from whole foods. Very tasty, enjoy!

japanese sweet potato

Taking responsibility of my own life

Good Morning,

Taking responsibility of my own life is a hug step in the right direction. I’ve been doing this now for the past 1.5 years.

I use to make friends with guys, then be best friends with them, call them. I know they liked me. It felt that I existed. But later, I saw the signs, that they weren’t exactly the right fit for me, so I would stop after a while. But I did miss the attention. They ofcourse wanted to continue and it took a lot of energy to stop the relationship. I liked the initial moments, loving moments where everything is okay, great. I got a great feeling, anxiety would go, when I was with them. I had something.

I was focusing too much on that, internally, at that moment. But I saw that I could easily let go, they couldn’t. And that’s where I was irresponsible. I have to think about them too. Be selfless. I can’t expect that I can call them, just for myself. Those people have feelings too. I come and go, but they became attached. And meanwhile I thought that I was the being hurt. No, everything has a cause and an effect.

For one and a half year, I am completely working on myself. I have replaced calling people, going out with them for my own personal needs, to do everything by myself. I have taken responsibility of my life, by becoming selfless. I enjoy my time with people who are with me, my sister and my parents. My sister likes my presence and I was running a way from that. Trying to give my love somewhere else. Love is a choice. But I’ve chosen the one right now, that comes to me organically. Love is easy going and selfless.

By taking responsibility of my life, I eliminated my selfish feelings and did my best to become a better person and contribute to society through art. Within 6 months time span I accomplished my goals, just by shifting focus. Amazing how life works.

Being selfless pays off. I take charge and take responsibility. That is empowering and on top of it all, I became kind. Kindness, is the greatest weapon of success. Kindness, sprinkle it everywhere.

Making TIME my friend

Hi sweet ones,

I see that I am reacting differently than two years ago. When I don’t have projects, I am baking, doing fitness and watching lots of movies. Where I use to be frustrated about life that nothing is happening, I am working now on my patience.

I buy organic products and cook and bake things with non gmo. That takes time, it really does take time. And it used to be very tempting to just buy food outside, but my skin broke out. It was really bad. Now I feel energized, my skin looks good and healthy.

I spend a lot of quality time with my sister and try to make the most out of my life. I know  that this is a calm phase and I also know that the ‘working’ phase will come as well. I go with the flow and I finally understand that concept. I trust that God has something beautiful planned for me. I just have to take the steps and go with the flow. That also means enjoying my time and being grateful for the easy flow I am in right now. I judge it very easily and think that I have to do much more. But I am actually working smart.

I enjoy the simple things in life. I used to seek for turbulence in my life, but after those experiences, I rather stay in a sober state. Let it all happen organically, naturally. The urge will come, when it has to and will go when it’s done. But making time my best friend, is the best thing that I can do for myself. It keeps me sane and relaxed.

Relax, now I will eat, my sister prepared a nice dish with carrots and I will bake some Japanese fried potatoes. Hmmm, bon appetit and have a great evening a head.

Much love