Feedback Short film

Hi my lovely friends,

Sometimes I really don’t know what to do with some feedback I get. Yesterday, I went to the women in media breakfast event and I met someone who organizes a film festival event. I told her about my film and perhaps it would fit for her film festival and perhaps she knows some women magazines who can write about my short film, which is made by a female director, my sister. And currently it is being considered for ‘My Hero film festival’. Anyway, she was happy to help out. I’ve send her my short film and press kit via e-mail. Today, at 3.00pm I received an e-mail from her.  I was very excited to hear her thoughts and if she knew some potential film festivals and magazines who would be interested in our short film. However, the feedback I got was to basically change the core of the film. I’m fine with feedback, constructive feedback, but somehow there was a hint of ‘you won’t get anywhere with your film’. ‘Oh Homelessness, no one cares‘. At the event itself she sounded a bit negative and my intuition told me, that she doesn’t see the opportunities that COULD come your way. I still asked for some advice though, you never know. Now, I do know that the publishers told JK Rowling to get rid of the core of her book ‘Harry Potter’, which is the character ‘Voldermort’. She got rejected 13 times, by the biggest publishers and still went on. That’s an inspiration for me. If I really think I should change it, I would. However, something tells me that I should go on with the short film that me and my sister made. 

Honestly speaking, there comes a time that you just have to send what you have, or else you keep changing the film, book, music whatever it is, because so and so find it more interesting that way. Arghhh, I really want my short film to be selected! I’m battling with a lot of rejection and sexual frustration as well. That’s why I want this film to get recognized even more! So I can shift my focus to the outer world instead of focusing too much on my inner feelings. My thoughts can easily go to darkness and can go to a place of regret and ‘why I didn’t choose for that person over my career’ and ‘why I’ve chosen for the most challenging career in the world ACTING?!’ It goes in a split second, but I’m very determined to think POSITIVE. I PUSH MYSELF to think in a productive, positive and healthy way. I deserve to be HAPPY.

It makes me happy, if I can contribute to the society through my films. Everyday, there is a new hope, everyday, I wake up and pray for balance in my life. I appreciate my life and I’m healthy. That’s what I remind myself everyday, to keep going. Just keep going. Right now, you’re a big part that keeps me going 😉 And of course my favorite TV soap, which puts me in an exciting state and gives me the hope that there are gentlemen out there 😉 Because secretly, even though I’ve ‘let go’, secretly I’m still hoping for that one guy, my hero, my gentleman, who knows what I want. Secretly, I still wait for that moment. Even though, I would like to be this powerful independent single woman, that I would like to project to the world, right now, I still have my moments of despair. Which is okay, as long as I keep going, all is well;)

Love you all a lot! 


Submitting to filmfestivals

Good morning my beautiful friends,

I woke up at 7 am, feels great to wake up early. I’ve got so much time and it gets me in a relaxed mood, I can start the day freshly now. Initially I didn’t want to wake up, I felt a bit sad. In the past, well 3 years ago, when I went from Europe to Hollywood, I had to say goodbye to my favorite cousins. That is if I would walk with time. Time told me that these beautiful moments I shared with my cousins, -who I practically grew up with, I feel that they are my brothers-, will change. We ‘gameboyed’ together, played hide and seek, laughed a lot, pajama party’s etc. It was amazing. But during that time, somehow, I always was thinking about ‘making it’. When will I make it. Now, of course, I wish I’ve let that go, because now I’m taking steps to it and I’m in Hollywood now! If I was present and let go of everything, enjoyed and indulged into the moment, I wouldn’t miss them so much. However, if, if, if, it’s gone. Now they have girlfriends and we don’t share that equation anymore. It’s okay, I just felt sad. However, this piece of information helps me to improve the PRESENT. I have a wonderful baby sister. Instead of thinking ‘making it’ or finding my ‘true love’, I will enjoy my time with my beautiful sister. Because who knows, time will change…we are both single. Time changes, it doesn’t stop. Instead of resisting time, I would like to follow time as it presents to me and go with the flow. I never really understood that ‘go with the flow’, but now I do. I trust. I prayed and now I’m writing, which feels exhilarating. 

At 10.15am I’ve got a women in breakfast networking event. A director will attend the event and will talk about her short films which has been selected and won at several film festivals. Great, so far I’ve found one worthy film festival, which I’ve submitted to. Hope I can find more worthy ones, which cares about social cause, such as Homelessness. At the event, they will give us breakfast from Porto’s bakery! Love it! After that, I will go to Whole Foods, buy fruit and vegetables.

I will find more worthy film festivals. Time will show me, I trust that it will. It always have and always will. I will always treasure those beautiful moments from the past, but the present is where I want to be right NOW.

Love you all! 


Searching for film festivals

Hi my beautiful friends,

I’m so happy to write to you how my day has been and what I’ve done today in order to accomplish my long term goal. Like I said before, if I don’t post what I’ve done, I feel as if I haven’t done anything and I feel empty. This is a part of my life that I actually look forward to, besides watching my favorite soap 😉

I woke up at 7.30am and put on some make-up, to go to a TV show, which is a side job, but honestly a very educating and motivating side job. However, since it was a new TV show, new location, I had trouble finding it, as I was not aloud to bring my phone with me. And I travel by bus. I arrived there late and wasn’t allowed to enter anymore. I walked all the way back to Target, which was a 45 minutes’ walk, in my mind it took hours, but I kept walking, no breaks.  As I was walking back, I was very disappointed, but I didn’t want to discourage myself for the rest of the day. Yes, I had some negative thoughts, saying: ‘it was my fault and I should have checked the location properly’. As I arrived at Target, I was exhausted and sat down at the terrace. I really wanted to think that whatever happens, happens for a reason. So I figured, this was meant to be and perhaps God wanted me to let me focus on other things. Put more focus into my short film. Find more efficient and innovative ways to market my film and submitting to the right festivals. I decided to let go what happened in the early morning and move on.

Before I went back home, I first bought some delicious sandwiches at Mendocino Farms, a Vegan Shawarma and a Turkey/Avocado Sandwich. Mmmm, delicious! I was really happy and was grateful, that I could afford these sandwiches.

Was this a waste of my time? No, I enjoyed the early morning and made some realizations for my short film. Moreover, I cannot fight time, if time wants me to relax I will, since it is a preparation of what is about to come. At least that’s what I’ve experienced. And yes, I can be very indecisive sometimes, perhaps often, but like I said, I really push myself to think positively and efficiently. I am only human, and therefore, unfortunately I make mistakes. Life doesn’t go smoothly all the time. I just have to accept that.

Around 1.30pm, I arrived home and took my laptop to Tiago, where I could be productive and search for film festivals. Wow, that was a task! I would like to target film festivals which focuses mainly on women as filmmakers and on an important social issue. Most of the deadline dates have passed. That was discouraging. I checked on Withoutabox, film freeway and on Google. I e-mailed some people, perhaps they could tell me what film festivals to submit to. An hour went by and unfortunately, I couldn’t find what I was looking for.

However, I have received some e-mails back from sponsors. One huge company is willing to do it, but the request is still in consideration. Hope that works out.

My sister was with me and told me to perhaps sign up for networking events and literately ask face to face to people, which film festival is the right one for our short film. I checked on Eventbrite and signed up for a lot of networking events. Some of them are at the W hotel, some are in theaters. Bottom line, I’m going to meet a lot of industry people. Perhaps God wanted me to MEET people, as opposed to submitting to things, behind a screen. Meeting people, is a feeling of existence. And I actually am looking forward to these networking events. Simply meeting people and sharing my work. It’s a beautiful opportunity to get more information to get to the next step. It’s exciting, I really don’t know what to expect, but I always want to take chances in life. Take a risk, that’s where I get my KICK from. I have no idea, what the result might be, but I do know that I really want to ACHIEVE my goal. Enjoy my life as well, eating my favorite food, watching my favorite soap. Oehh, that gives me a lot of excitement. It helps me to move forward. These are the little things I look forward to.

Let’s hope for the best! It’s 6.42 pm and now I’m going to treat myself by watching my favorite soap! 🙂

Love you!

Working on my shortfilm

Hi my beautiful friends,

I’m on my mission to finalize this short film which shines light on homelessness. It is my aim to raise awareness for important social issues. Right now I’m working on the website, so I can put it as a marketing tool for withoutabox. It feels good to share this with you, since it gives me the feeling that I’m actually doing something. I always feel as if I’m not doing enough. I woke up 7.50 am in the morning and then at 8.30 am, I went to Runyon Canyon. It was beautiful up there, I could clear out my thoughts and knew that I am on the right path.

Sometimes, no actually often, negative voices come in to my mind and say: ‘I’m wrong’. I always think I’m wrong and everybody else is right and I often get easily persuaded, even though my initial choices are the RIGHT choices. As of now, I only have people in my mind who are dear to me and actually care about my well being. My parents and my sister. Of course I’ve got some friends, but my parents and my sister have been with me my whole life, through good and bad times. They have accepted my flaws. So far I haven’t met someone besides them who can accept my flaw. I always accept the other ones flaws, mistakes. I guess as of now I have to draw a line. Respect is very important. So far through my actions I have stuck to my principles. Yes, I was persuaded and I almost lost everything, at least that’s what I thought. However, God is very kind and gave me another chance, to live my dream, focus on it and let go. I am single, to the world very happy. I really push myself to be happy now, think happy thoughts. I do have everything, I’ve always wanted, a loving family, sister, living my dream in Los Angeles.

Anyway, I’m going to continue with developing the website for my short film. I hope it will be entered in several filmfestivals. Let’s hope and pray for that. That would be beautiful and I would be able to forgive myself for making some wrong choices. Which was only harmful for me. I really want to feel inner happiness and satisfaction, that I actually made the right choice of coming here to Los Angeles and following my dream as an actress.


Love you all.