Hi my sweet chocolates,
It is Saturday, 31st of October. 1.5 week ago, I found a DP who owns a great camera. Everything was set, we just had to narrow down the locations, find a sound and lighting person within a week. Me and my sister actually managed to do it all within a week. After receiving horrible comments at Facebook, I got a little bit ego and almost started to brag to a fellow actor, who is in our project. Just before I came to the words of “we found the best one”, I stopped and said: ‘ We’ll see, I hope it will be successful, but we’ll see’. I’m happy I became suddenly humble, because a few days later, the DP wasn’t available anymore and assumed that the shooting was postponed. Short story, we were obliged to find another DP, we were not going to shoot with that particular ‘great’ camera, of which I was about to brag about.
No matter what, I always have to remain humble, things can fall apart, whether I’m a good or bad person, whatever I say, it can fall apart. Since I stayed humble though, I just went along with time, and looked for another one. Yes, the other seemed perfect, but further down the line, holes became more evident. I fall, I stand up, I succeed and fall again, it’s just part of it, the only thing constant here is me. It’s about problem solving and removing the ego. I still enjoy my life and try to keep a balance between private life and work. Yes, I am living the dream, but now it has become my work and it’s normal thing to do, but I don’t let it take over my whole life. I just have to do basic problem solving and letting go. I lose here and there and win as well.
No matter what, with or without, I am still a valuable human being. I am grateful that I got the opportunity to actually pursue my dream, to live it, do what I love. I thank my parents, God, my sister and myself for allowing me to do this. I am grateful to God that he pushed me into this direction even though I never believed in myself.
My goal of loving myself, is becoming a reality, slowly but surely. I’m hungry, I’m going to eat a nice sandwich, which I bought at Mendocino Farms. Love you all and ohh, Happy Delicious Halloween’s day!