Good Morning dear ones,
Don’t try to feel. I’m gonna loose when I want to feel, I know because I did it, I pushed it and lost. Athletes don’t give into feeling, that’s why they succeed. If they give into the pain and would stop or find distractions to get rid of the pain, they wouldn’t be where they are. I know that feelings are temporary.
I want to call people, even my first love, but basically I’m asking to get rid of this anxiety and hopefully they can fix it. So I am giving power to someone else. I’ve tried it for 5 years. Calling that person, to get rid of the feeling. Most of the time it didn’t work, I would feel even worse, or the issue wasn’t resolved. But I miss that person. I still feel that it was my fault. But I know it’s not. I mean, it was 5 years ago. I’ve grown and I’ve learned a lot. I am so sorry. I am torturing myself with something that I apparently cannot change. Or I can, but it means going back to Europe or perhaps sacrificing my dream for something I tried to push for 5 years. 5 years I’ve tried to be in that relationship. And than when I had the person, it still was not the way I expected. I was bored to death, I tried to push it, and even coming to Los Angeles, I tried to be in touch with that person, be friends, it still didn’t work. I thought by ‘letting go’, I am giving up on that person. But I have never given up. It’s just it didn’t work and I was cutting my own hands(matter of speech), just to make it work. I met that person when I was also selfish. Now I’ve become more and more selfless.
I tried to fit the masses, tried to be someone else and than I saw that those people wanted to be me. Have my drive, ambition, desire. I have to stick to it, stick to my purpose. Be kind. I feel gloomy, it’s okay, feelings can go away. BUT HOW? I mean for 5 years, I’ve tried to ‘call’ it away or finding other people to get rid of it.
I hate to give up. But I am not, it’s letting go. Please share your knowledge. What do you think is the difference between giving up and letting go? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.